Merry ChanOOka. The following customs apply during this festive week. We call viagra pills “dreidels” since by both we say nes gadol hayah sham. Some are makpid to use massage oil before intimate moments. For those who are careful to wrap, remember that olive…
Tag: telz angel
Trip notes from the Kashrut conference.
Last week I attended a conference for the Rabbinical leaders of the many “out of” towns in the US, hosted by the Star-K. There I met a few dozen of the rabbinical leadership and Vaadei Kashrus members from places that included Atlanta,…
Shalach Manos databases other abuses of Purim.
Purim. A story that features mass rape, including the fortunate(?!) rape of the one Jewish girl, named after the Mesopotamian goddess of sex, Ishtar. Her uncle, named after the Babylonian god Marduk, accomplish the great feat of almost saving the…
YCT concerned, Agudath Israel is too inclusive.
In response to today’s condemnation by the Agudah, a representative of Yeshivas Chatichei Torah challenged Agudath Israel for being too inclusive in their philosophy. You can say the pot and the kettle are now both wearing black hats. Said Rabbi…
What to do with a used Lulav?
It’s the day after, we are tired. The Sukkah is put away (I hope). We survived Tishrei, barely. And for the first time in a month, we’ll have a regular work week . But what to do with the arba…
The Tragedy of the Four SEED Boys
Four SEED boys came to Orchard Beach this summer. And the results were not good. They were Shimon, Akiva, Elisha, and another Shimon; students from a small yeshiva in Monsey who were sent to spread Torah “out of town” over…
Why this was the best Tisha B’av ever.
Every year Tisha B’av seems the same to me. It’s a mixed feeling of manufactured sadness and confusion about what the sadness is really about. Last Shabbos, the ruv of my shul delivered the same drosho that dozens of rabbis…
3 weeks and the 4th.
This is one of those years where it is very important that you do not watch this video. So don’t watch this. If you do, turn off the volume.
Not Safe For Kashrus (NSFK)
The Star K joined a collection of no-name hechsherim in creating a new criteria for gaining kashrut status. Brands must have an SFK name. As this photo shows, you can even get a hechsher on bacon donuts, you just need…
Why Rabbi Avi Weiss is Wrong
Logic, that’s what it is. Rabbi Avi Weiss explains the logic behind his ordination of women to be halachic authorities and leaders. In this post I’m going to expose the flaws in his argument and prove to you why you should…
Foil the NSA with these Kippot
The gedolim were right all along. The Internet should be assur! Nothing good comes from it. It is full of depravity, impurity, and lust-invoking materials. It’s even worse than we thought. According to recent reports, the government knows all the…
The Great Minyan Day.
It’s about two weeks before Pesach and Rabbis across the country are emailing their shul members with the chometz sales forms. I’m not going to poke fun at the whole business of “selling” chometz, since we’ve pretty much accepted this…
I’m going clubbing with this guy.
I’ll see you at Club Shelter in SoHo this Motzei Shabbos between 2:00 AM and 3:00 AM. I’m bringing my new chavrusa, Yoss’le i am. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89D9ysH4KF0
Money Making Faux-Mishloash Manot
The president of my shul called me this evening, furious that I did not participate in the shul’s mishloach manot program. “Reb Telz” he says “Why are you not on the list? We are packing the bags, reviewing the mailed-in…
Interview with the Blouse Rabbi’s neighbor.
I hope you saw this important video by the Blouse Rabbi, Rabbi Eliyahu Fark. This is the latest edition of the supper-hot orthoporn series of videos are hitting the Internet these days. You think women need to dress like Katy…
Mir Yeshiva hosts auditions for Cotton Club
There’s nothing more exciting to the Yeshiva world than Cotton Club entertainment. For those of you who remember, the Cotton Club was a jazz nightclub in Harlem (in the 1920-40s) where white people could watch black people (aka “darkies”) perform.…
Haute Hot — eye candy for both women and men
Are you a Hot Channi looking for fashion ideas? Keep in mind that you need to follow the tznius rules (at least in public), but that’s about it. You are hot. You know it. Hashem made you hot, Koko Fit…
What I expect in 2013
After writing my why it sucked to be frum in 2012, I felt bad. What if 2013 could be better for the frum wold? What would happen to us? Here are things I expect to happen in the frum world…
Why it sucked to be frum in 2012
We bring the secular year to a close and look forward to a new year ahead. In 2012, it sucked to be frum or even associated with frum people. Let’s reminisce and notice the following theme: Frum men get turned on…
From the Search Committee
Dear shul-goers of America, As you know, the Young Israel of Brooktown, MA is looking for a new rabbi. Our current marah d’asra is making aliyah after nearly 30 years of dedicated service to the community. We have an active…
Our solution to the unfriendly shul problem.
Heshy restarted his blog after a short break with a simple question — should shuls be friendly places? The board of my shul got together last year to discuss this very issue. We sent out a survey to the membership…
Giving a helping paw.
Aside from FrumSatire’s recent “no new blog post crisis” in our community, there have been many other problems we have been dealing with over the past few weeks. Probably nothing greater than last week’s storm. I myself am still suffering the…
Email Plague Hits Quiet New England Community.
Breaking News out of Sharon, MA Due to political unrest in the Jewish Community, Congregation Vikuchei Yisroel announced today that they will hold a breakaway minyan on Yom Kippur for Obama supporters and other liberals in the community. Asked about this…
Algorithms to the rescue.
How often do you find yourself in the situation where you are on a flight across timezones and you just don’t know exactly when to daven. Sure you could fudge it by calculating the approximate time, but what if you…
Jewish Married Men Dating Site
Dear Telz Angel I am three years into my separation from my husband, and still no get. His ruv told him that he should not give me a get until we resolve the legal matters in our civil divorce. The…