By Shaindy Urman Marry a man you do not love. Hear about him from your great-aunt Faiga, and then from your great-aunt Shprintza. Nod politely as they gush about his middos. Smile graciously as they rave about his learning. Agree…
Tag: shidduch
Older singles are not welcome here
Why are you living in my community? Why haven’t you realized that you’ve exhausted all of your dating options within a 300 mile radius and the only people left to date are out of your hashkafic realm or not halachically…
10 Brutally Honest Things I’ve Learned My Year “In-Town”
Hey Heshy, Not particularly sure why I felt the need to write this; I guess the absurdity of PLLBR got me thinking. For context I moved to Brooklyn about a year ago for the annual (REALLY)out-of-town to town shidduchim migration.…
A Heartfelt Kick in the Tuchas
by Chaya Miriam Fried When I got married, I had to leave behind some single friends as well. Some made my joy their joy, and the rest, well…fuck me for finding happiness, right? I should’ve just invited them along on…
Dear Heshy: The shadchan says I’m an aggressive driver
Dear Heshy, Just last night the shadchan called me to tell me it was over with a girl whom I was head over heels for, it seems that this is the second girl to reject me based on my aggressive…
Should age matter in shidduchim?
The fact that they even needed to make the following video just shows how stupid the shidduch system is, I guess it’s about time that someone showed everyone how dumb they were being, except this video is being too nice.…
Halachic questions: Is hot boxing considered yichud?
Dear Heshy, As marijuana becomes more acceptable in the frum community (I knew we’d catch up someday) I have begun writing “must be 420 friendly” on my shidduch resumes and online dating accounts. I find that most shadchanim have no…
How much should one hide when it comes to shidduch dating?
About twice a week I get an email from someone asking me to remove a comment from an old post, a picture I may have posted, a video or anything else they have deemed to hurt their shidduch resume. I…
What’s the deal with over usage of the term desperate in shidduchim?
I hear the term “desperate to get married” all the time, what gives? I haven’t met too many folks who are really that desperate, this would mean that those peeps would be marrying the first person that came along and…
What the Olympics taught me about shidduchim
Guest post by BritishMO What the Olympics taught me about shidduchim: I know that this may be one of the first British blog posts on frumsatire but here goes. Despite the common belief that we all drink tea at 4pm…
Tu’Bav and the Single Guy
Guest post by Yonatan Sredni Panui?” the stocky, sweating, balding guy in the un-tucked white dress shirt and tiny knitted kippah atop his head, asked me over the blaring modern Chassidic dance music. At first I thought he was asking…
What’s an overweight shidduch seeker to do?
I’m not exactly sure if there’s a shidduch crisis anymore, maybe they figured it out after all. However, someone recently asked me why there were no shidduch groups or singles events for frum folks struggling with their weight, obesity does…
Can’t find a shidduch? Doctor in Miami offers free plastic surgery!
It seems that Yitta Halberstams article asking ugly girls to get cosmetic surgery has sparked quite a bit of controversy. Dr. Michael Salzhauer, a plastic surgeon in Miami is offering free nose jobs to any single orthodox folks who feel…
Overweight shidduch dating site: Why not?
Before you crucify me, I’m actually being serious here. I saw someone on facebook had shared overweightdate.com and wondered when such a site would be created for frum people. It seems like all the dating sites geared towards the Orthodox…
Shit married girls say to singles
I hope to continue to say all sorts of shit to singles, but I sure as hell hope I don’t start telling people they are picky or what segulas they should do to help them find their mate. I found…
An argument against shomer negiah?
January’s been a slow work month for me so I’ve been wandering around the J-blogesphere a little at night. I came across Masculine Jew the other night, which appears to be a blog written by an anonymous sephardic guy who’s…
I’m more of a pimp than a shadchan
The first gay shidduch I made has broken up, so I called up my friend the other day demanding my shadchanus gelt and my friend’s response was “what are you a pimp or something?” Which got me thinking about all…
Shidduch Resume: 5ft 4, 110lbs, 34:24:35
I haven’t posted quite so many shidduch resumes on this site, because most people have only started to think beyond the pale of shidduch websites, asking their friends and facebook stalking. Most of the shidduch resumes I have posted are…
My top shidduch dating fails
This post will be a whole lot better if you folks participate. I only say this because although I have several funny fails from my short lived shidduch dating career, I am sure that you all have your own stories…
What are your red flags of dating?
I was just talking with my new GF about my red flags of dating. The biggest one for me is when a girl states that she cannot pee in the woods, if you know me it’s actually not so ironic,…
Shidduch market
Best ways for converts to increase their shidduch market value
Was looking through old Facebook messages and I can’t believe I never posted this one by guest posted Anshel M. Increase: *Pepper your vocabulary with a little Yiddish, the more far-out the better; *Learn some Hebrew, enough to say something…
Biggest BS shidduch story of all time
Many years ago, when I used to shidduch date I remember hearing the same story over and over again to teach me about the strange world of shidduchim. I wondered why no one ever bothered to just call it BS…
The strangest video I ever made is still hilarious
I got sick of xtranormal pretty fast, but I was just watching this and I’m here laughing my tuchus off at how messed up my mind is to try and throw in a bunch of different concepts into one insane…
Does paying people extra who make a shidduch really help?
I wonder if these types of campaigns actually help the shidduch situation, or just make single girls feel old at the ripe young age of 23 and make them feel like pieces of meat on consignment. I also found the…