Using God to save $29.95 /month? Can’t get frummer than that. Photo taken at the Young Israel of Century City. Inside at the shul’s gift store you can also buy other symbols, idols, statues, and protective amulets for your home and…
Author: Telz Angel
Eight Worst Mikvah Ladies.
Guest Post by Mrs. Telz Angel. In honor of the marriage of Heshy and Chaya I wanted to share with you my top eight worst Mikva Lady experiences. 1. The Talkative Town Yenta. Lady, please stop talking! I show up…
The Wedding, a review.
Readers of this blog know that Heshy and Chaya got married this Sunday, but many of you were not able to be there. If you were not there, you’ll never know if this is accurate. If you were there, you…
Bnos Yaakov received literary recognition, BSDM award.
This week, the Bnos Yaakov Elementary school in Lakewood, NJ received the a literary award from the National Association of Misogynistic BSDM Literature Authors (not to be confused with the other organization with the same acronym) for the now famous essay “Hot UnTnznius…
Frum Massage.
Frum Massage ad on Craigslist: You heard of Swedish Massage and Thai Massage, but do you know Frum Massage? So asks an ad on Craigslist in the five towns area where you can get your “challah dough” kneaded by local…
If I ran a shul.
If I ran a shul: 1. There would be an assistant rabbi. I think every shul should have an assistant rabbi. First of all, you need succession planning. People die. Second of all, we all want perfect rabbis, and are…
The War on Parve: Finding the Morsels of Mass Distraction.
The War on Parve took an odd turn when it was revealed that Trader Joe’s did not change its chocolate chips last week. They are the same chips as they always were — namely the best parve chips you can…
Halachos of cup size.
A New Jersey women asked the world to stare at her chest and decide if they agree that she is too busty to work at a frum lingerie shop. A frum lingerie shop? Indeed. You think the internet is not for frum people? Well…
Police break up counterfeit parve ring.
Press Release: May 16, 2012 Village Valley, CA. Valley police broke up a home-based business in the Valley Glen section of town that sold counterfeit parve chocolate chips to unsuspecting kollel wives in the greater LA area. Five women were arrested…
Please Tread on Me!
I was surprised the last time I visited the Baton Rouge Synagogue to see a large floor mat in the foyer of the shul. BRS is a large and wonderful place, with many wealthy folks and a very saintly rabbi. But the floor…
Fixing the Birthing Crisis by Aborting the Male Babies
After reading David Learner’s article on why we need to abort the female babies, it occurred to me that he might have gotten it wrong. Sure, the shidduch crisis is a debilitating problem that is causing great strain to all caterers, wedding…
Why are Pesach hotels so expensive?
Trudging in the snow, it’s time for many orthodox Jews to celebrate their alleged holiday of freedom by parting with about $4000 per family member for some fancy Pesach hotel. (Do the math: including the flights, rental car, etc.) The…
Jumbotron at shul
I was sitting in shul this week falling asleep during the Rabbi’s speech, and I had the following dream, or maybe it was a random stream of thoughts, or maybe I had too much Single Malt Scotch during the haftarah.…
Tehilim emergency
Raboisai, we are living in difficult times. A bunch of gedolim are in the hospital, or just got out of the hospital this week. Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv, Rav Ahron Leib Shteinerman, Rav Yisrael Belsky, Rav Yitzchok Tuvia Weiss, Rav…
Daven your gayness away with the Artscroll Gay Edition
Dear Telz Angel You were my favorite roommate in Telz, so I just had to share this news with you. I just know you’ll be interested in this, I’m so sure of it. All our old Telzer friends are super…
Der Mensch, Frum vigilante.
Move over Hebrew Hammer, Der Mensch is the new guy in town. He’s the kind of frum vigilante we need to see more of. Sometimes there’s a place for some good violence. He’s hired by the ex-wife to take care…
I am a Frum Satire addict.
Awww how sweet. This guy is proud to be Jewish. After waiting through the long shmalzy introduction, I realized this was a very good video. I’m also proud. Enjoy the next 5 minutes of this guy, and then my 5 minute reaction.…
YU Responds
Dear donors and parents, The board of Yeshiva University assures you that we have taken clear and decisive action in the matter of the YU Beacon article that has brought much shame to our community. As you know, this article…
Notes from the First Annual Kiddush Nazi Convention
I just returned from a wonderful conference sponsored by Kiddush-Nazi International (also known as KNISH). They recently got together at a swanky resort in the Catskills to talk about the things that Kiddish-Nazis talk about — being mean and setting…
Select-o-vision Glasses Rock!
Select-o-vision glasses will revolutionize the frum world. New invention gives religious men the ability to make distasteful images invisible and see the world as they want to see it — their way. Cambridge, MA October 25, 2011 — MIT engineers…
I won’t eat at your house, you shaygetz!
Dear Telz Angel, I live in a small community and I need your help. My wife and I are BTs but have not flipped out. We’re pretty modern. We both work for a living. I wear my kippa sruga at…
YU revises history, shmistory.
Nothing restores my faith in the fine institution known as Yeshiva University when they act more like a Yeshiva and less like a University. This past Rosh Hashanna I had the pleasure to read their latest YU To-Go. This publication shows me…
Shlugging Kapores
Last week I posted a list which included a pun that alluded to domestic violence. Comments from people who are machmir on humor during the month of Elul thought that domestic violence is not a good topic for satire. So…
Frummest reaction to 9/11
It’s hard to convey anything satirical about 9/11. Then again, some people never fail to help by providing their warped perspective on things. The item that made me guffaw the most was hearing that some are makpid to commemorate 9/11 on…
The Sefardi Browser on the Mac?
I was talking to a techie in Bensonhurst who explained to me that in order to get onto the internet when using an iMac computer, you need to use the Sefardi browser. I never heard of the Sefardi browser, but…