Gay Marriage is Here, the Shidduch Crisis is Over

We are in a different country than we were in a week ago. Obamacare is now Scotuscare, North Carolina doesn’t fly the Confederate flag on their state house anymore and Walmart and Amazon aren’t selling anything bearing that flag anymore and gay marriage is now legal in all states. In other words the whole country is now on the same level as California.

The danger to yidden from such developments is obvious; schvartzes are historic enemies of ours and they are now emboldened by the lifting of their oppression. Yidden who sold Confederate paraphernalia made in China to Walmart and on Amazon are losing lots of business and now that gay marriage is legal, what’s to stop bochurim cooped up in dorms from experimenting? And what’s going to stop Hashem from bringing another mabul? We’re in a terrible position now, we should all move back to Poland and Ukraine, back to the shtetl where gay people didn’t exist.

The other danger to frum yidden from this gay law is that now it’ll become legal for Jews to marry non-Jews and how can our yunchy seminary girls, who are already suffering from a crushing shidduch crisis going to compete with hot shiksas?

On the positive side though, maybe seminary girls will simply start marrying each other and the crisis will abate. The thing is, I think part of the reason frum girls haven’t been marrying each other until now is because of the housing and school discrimination that exists against gay people in communities like Lakewood and Brooklyn. A gay couple couldn’t live on Forest Ave in Lakewood or send their kids to Lakewood Cheder. Until now they’d have to live on Chestnut and send their kids to Yeshiva K’tana, and who wants to do that? Well they won’t have to suffer such indignities any more.

I think we’re on track to eliminating the shidduch crisis. Boruch Hashem.