2014 Meet Yair Hoffman

The 1950s called and said they want Yair Hoffman back.

They were looking into the future and they saw the bullying that this man was undergoing and felt bad. They had never meant to let him loose into the 21st century, it was experiment but now it’s going bad and they want to end his suffering.

Something tells me though that he doesn’t want to go back, he’ll have his tushy potched for having blown his cover. I mean, how stupid did he have to be to lump LGBTs together with pedophiles? Anyone (other than R’ Avigdor Miller) the 50s would have released into the wild of the new millennium would have done some basic research to know what prevailing science says before opening his trap and blowing his cover, but not Hoffman. In fact, after being criticized for his views he doubled down on his ignorance and repeated some hogwash he had heard in an even earlier life – I surmise this one was from the 1850s – and gave a new classification system for pedophiles:

  1. Type A, inter-gender pedophiles

These are the pedophiles Hoffman has no problem with; they don’t violate any verses in Leviticus which means they don’t have unhealthy sexual urges.

  1. Type B, same-gender pedophiles with no attraction to adults of the same gender

These too Hoffman has no problem with because, well I don’t know why not, he just doesn’t.

  1. Type C – same gender pedophiles with an attraction to adults of the same gender

These are the ones Hoffman has a problem with because, as he so elegantly states in his ignorant screed; they have unhealthy sexual urges.

Yair Hoffman may enjoy living in his own world, and it’s not a bad world really, if you’re a pedophile or a thief, but really he should be listening to the gedoilim and not act as a light unto the nations on the internet; he should be doing it from the pulpit where he has control over the message. See, this is the trouble with the internet, with the exception of Yeshiva World News and maybe Matzav, there aren’t any places a Torah True™ yid can go for refuge.

So here’s my suggestion for Yair Hoffman & Co.; don’t publish your wisdom on sites like 5 Towns Jewish Times where the editor listens to criticism from MO half-yidden and forces you to write an apology, stick to writing for VIN and YWN where the commentators and editors are with you in the 50s. As a matter of fact, if you follow this advice I can almost guarantee you won’t have letters to the editor published in response to your garbage and you’ll be able to live in your 50s time warp without any rude interruptions.