Older singles are not welcome here

old jewish peopleWhy are you living in my community? Why haven’t you realized that you’ve exhausted all of your dating options within a 300 mile radius and the only people left to date are out of your hashkafic realm or not halachically Jewish yet. Have you not realized that putting San Jose, Seattle, Las Vegas, or New Orleans on your shidduch profile is not going to get you anywhere. It’s not enough that you haven’t realized the negative connotations given to out of towners in the shidduch world, but you are so stubborn that you want them to travel to you. You are not only doing a disservice to yourself, you are in fact dragging the community down with you. No one wants to come to our perfectly peaceful, successful, proper community and see some older guy without a tallis on. We don’t want to have to explain to potential members that we have a nebach problem, that we have a large population of relatively normal, soon to be spinsters, bitter girls, and nebby guys who refuse to get the hint and get out of Dodge. 

Ok, fine, you’re here to stay, you’ve decided that living close to good skiing and your awesome job in high tech is worth it even if you have to remain single your whole life. I understand it, you’re a passionate person and you don’t want to have to change your persona for anyone. They have to take you the way you are and if that means you live in Denver or Dallas, that’s how it’s gonna be. You’re open to relocation, but only if she/he is hot, rich, knows all of shas and has beautiful parents that ensure they will stay good looking into their rapidly approaching old age. Yes, we heard you were burnt out from the scene which you live 2000 miles away from. Yes, we know that you’re having such a good time that you aren’t sure you “need” to get married.

We heard it all, now do us a favor and host some guests, host some meals, volunteer around the shul, give lots of money to the shul, make yourself into a community member. You don’t have to be a neb, you don’t have to be some shabby outcast that no one likes or wants to host. You can actually become a member of the community, I’m not sure why you would want to join “our” community, but you can and even though your single status means that you will never get the full benefit and there are times you will feel left out, you need to be a member and act like one.

If people treat you like shit, don’t worry, they’re just super machmir on the mitzvah of pru urivu, which you are obviously not going to comply with. It’s possible that they have begun the “I wonder if he’s gay” debate, which usually starts when singles hit 35 or so. At that age they have missed the Frumster age limit and have begun to wonder about premarital sex, freezing their eggs, and the ever present “maybe I’m gay” debate that all older singles have when they go to sleep in their lonely beds after their kick ass skiing and super awesome tech jobs.

If you choose to complain or speak your bitter feelings about not being welcome into a non-singles community, remember, you chose your existence. If you want to remain a lifelong single, you might as well do it with others. The Upper West Side is the best community for being a full fledged single in a community that punishes those who marry, by excommunicating them to New Jersey. You have every right to be bitter, but it’s better to bitter with other bitter older singles, rather than amongst folks just trying to give you false brachas that go “soon by you” that are just trying to get you married so they don’t have to sit through another meal with the same 4 singles and the quasi-nebbish folks who are 60 and never married. Every community has them and every community wonders how they can banish them to the Upper West Side.

It’s true that your chances of getting married aren’t actually better in a singles community, in fact, many argue that the large menu prevents anyone from actually getting married, but if you want to be welcome and enjoy the oppurtunity to be bitter without being labeled as such, I highly suggest the move.

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