Divorce from a Jewish perspective

DivorceThe writer of this letter asked me to his identity anonymous

As a Man floating in the purgatory between married and single, I am torn.  I am torn between many things.  Between forgiveness and judgment, between sacrifice and greed but mostly between right and wrong.  But mostly I am lost.  There is so much buzz about shidduch crisis yet almost none about the divorce crisis, the infidelity crisis.   The lack of discussion really upsets me because I am standing in the middle of the swamp of divorce after making many friends who are divorced. Yet we all say the same thing.  At first we were lost. Emotionally, yes. But even after that, as individuals, we had to test the waters to learn who we could talk to, what we could and couldn’t say.  Where to get support, what to do, and how to do it.

I have it doubly tough (not that I am complaining about that, don’t get me started though), there are many social services designed to help divorcees. Many more than in religious circles (which is odd really as Jewish divorce can only be done religiously so shouldn’t there be support).  But regardless of Religious or social there is almost no support for the men in divorces.  Especially the innocent men.  The men who were cheated on.   The men who tried to stand by and forgive and forget (which according to most sources is assur).

Now the last thing I want to do is beg for help.  I am too proud for that.   I just want to know why there is so little religious support for both sides. Why divorce isn’t a conversation that is had before marriage.  And why a ketubah is so one sided.

 Although this is not satire, this is a political and social topic. A good question that deserves an answer.   Maybe a reader can help.  Maybe starting the conversation will bring it closer to the forefront of conversation. Divorces will always be the subject of undue stigma (unless a politician/lawyer/asshole), but for the next group of people who go through something similar maybe there will be some help out there.