As marijuana becomes more acceptable in the frum community (I knew we’d catch up someday) I have begun writing “must be 420 friendly” on my shidduch resumes and online dating accounts. I find that most shadchanim have no idea what it is, which is good, because most of the time the only folks who know are already 420 supportive and friendly. With new ideas come new shayala’s and I really don’t want to ask my Rav this question because his derech is very 1980’s Boro Park if you know what I mean.
I wonder if hot boxing my car with a shidduch date is assur, could it be considered yichud, due to the closeness it may bring? Could it be considered frivolous if my date is not a regular smoker even though I am and therefore I have more control over my actions? I’ve also felt that some may consider mind altering substances assur to use with anyone not your spouse, yet many rabbonom have allowed dates to “go for drinks” and everyone can mostly agree that alcohol is far more mind altering and damaging than marijuana could ever hope to be.
Stoner looking for a shidduch
I’m not sure where you’re living, but the only place I’ve been where marijuana is fairly acceptable by the frum community is in the Bay Area. This is only because it’s somewhat legal out here and anyone could go and buy some from a legit store, rather than some cracked out off the derech kid selling it on a street corner in Brooklyn. I hope that one day the taboo will wear off and frum people, many of whom really should be getting high once in a while, will come to accept marijuana is a good alternative to cigarettes and alcohol which are much more of a sakana for you than weed could ever hope to be. Until then, I doubt that most rabbis would even give you a p’sak concerning such matters. I’m not sure that my halachic knowledge is adequate enough to decide your questions. I’d like to turn it over to the talmudicly inclined frum satire readers, however I do have several ideas.
The yichud in a car question has been posed before, apparently it’s ok if you’re not on a country road in the middle of nowhere, since nowadays we have no fear of God and just of man – who knows what could happen. The problem in your case is that smoking would usually require that you are in a place where no one is around, presenting problems of yichud. The other issue is that frum people generally don’t have a mesorah to sit in unmoving vehicles at high points overlooking cities, this is considered to be a goyishe zach that almost always precedes sexual activity.
Smoking also adds some sort of intimacy that many rabbonom have ruled against, hence the reason frum women tend not to smoke, while smoking is rampant in the yeshiva world. We could probably use many of the smoking p’sak’s with regards to marijuana and as far as I know it hasn’t been banned because that would mean that many gedolei hador did something that was assur. Of course, I’m not sure why it hasn’t banned, for we could just use the “it was a different time” excuse, in the same vein as to why no one ate glatt meat back in the day.
The other issue you may run across is of pure hashkafa, the chances of finding an erhliche, frum girl, who smokes with guys on dates is probably impossible. Chances are, the 420 girl of your dreams is probably a baalas teshuva or giores and everyone knows that girls like that are on a weaker madreiga and more apt to slip in their avodas Hashem. You may think your yetzer is strong now, but when some stoner girl who just got off the boat from Jewel or Niveh tries to brush away your black hat so she “can see your beautiful eyes better” you’ll find out just how hard it is to be kovesh your yetzer.
Can any of the readers better answer this question?
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