Top 10 reasons Intermarriage may be good for the Jews

This mornings post generated a lot of interest, dare I say it was a Kiddush Hashem, for suddenly my inbox filled with thank you notes, requests for more reasons, and a general happiness rarely seen amongst the non-Orthodox when dealing with the Orthodox. They were all amazed, that someone who identifies as Orthodox would have something nice to say about Intermarriage, regardless of whether it was in jest, the mere fact that it was in jest and not in violence or with burning talesim on the local interfaith couples lawn – is a step in the right direction. Kind of like the first time someone decided to call his friend “gay” instead “fag”.

Tay Sachs: Genetic diseases blow and when you have a bunch of folks who are probably related by blood marrying into each others families it gets to the point where you have to ask folks you’re dating to get a blood test before you can take the next step.

Nordic Chicks: Let’s face it, we aren’t doing enough on our part to weed through converts and get them converted fast enough, I’ve noticed an especially low percentage of Jewish folks who look like the Nords, not too many 6 foot tall blondes driving Volvo’s in Monsey are there? While we’re at it, the I hear the Aryan interfaith thing is a big hit now, because everyone knows that this country’s going down fast and it’s only time until they start rounding all the hook nosed heebs up again.

Mussar is better than ever: It used to be that the Rabbis had to focus on porn, cheeseburgers, and movies, but with intermarriage going up, they can add a little extra spice to their mussar shmuzim. I’m all for some fire and brimstone on a weekly basis and I absolutely love when they bring up the fact that we have come full circle to Pinchas and can now relate to the nisayon’s of yesterday.

Orthodoxy will reign supreme: When it comes down to it, we don’t really care about you half assed Jews intermarrying anyway. It makes our hold on Judaism stronger as the Conservative and Reform movements get diluted with goyim from intermarriage. So while you folks go the way of Cararites, we get stronger and apparently more Conservatives are moving into Orthodoxy.

Less Antisemitism: The truth is that we do care about you, because as more and more Jews marry goyim, they come to influence these goyim so there will more and more people willing to hide us in their basements when Obama decides to force Sharia upon us.

Interesting Books: Have you ever read an interfaith siddur, killing our religion and culture is almost worth the entertainment that comes out of reading the books about interfaith. I also noticed that when you get into the interfaith stuff, the Jewish ritual paraphernalia like mezuzos, washing cups, and challah covers gets a bit colorful, can’t a bad thing to have tropical talesim at eichlers, the black and white ones get so boring.

Food: Have you ever dined at an interfaith household? Well, you should go and try such favorites and gefilte fish soufle, quinoa and edamame kugel and whatever other foods non-Jews can try and fit into the mesorah.

Asians: They may not be able to drive, but they can sure count and do all sorts of techie things. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Asian hair shorn at Upsherins becomes a hot item to talk about on imamother. In 20 years, someone will start talking about how the “Jews” dominate the technological sectors as well. “Those Jews control computers, media and money.

Sephardim gain recognition as the authentic Jews: There comes a point in life when we white folk have to admit that the Sephardim are probably more authentic than us. As Intermarriage hits record highs, this will be seen more plainly, because it seems that when people intermarry they always pick the less authentic post-shtetl version of Ashkenazic Judaism that was made popular in the Borscht Belt.

The death of Non-Orthodoxy: As more and more Jews intermarry, they will be tied to multiple religions. As funding for institutions that accept interfaith couples goes down, the culture becomes filled with made up rituals and customs and slowly dies – wait didn’t I write about this already. Basically if you intermarry you will eventually lose your religion completely, it used to take 3 generation, now it only takes 1.

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