What are the most offensive things in Orthodox Judaism

Like any skeptical guy I like to troll all of the off the derech sites to justify missing z’manim and not full submitting my emunah to Judaism. I also like to focus on the negative parts of frum Judaism to justify doing things that are against frumkeit, like buying lotto tickets instead of getting into million dollar raffles for BT yeshivas and drinking cholov stam. Torah Judaism can get pretty offensive at times, especially if you’re a west coast liberal communist like myself. It’s denigration of women, gays, incestual relationships and bestiality are enough to make anyone from the Bay Area cringe. Add our responsibility to kill the children of Amalek and waste perfectly good grain on Pesach when millions are dying of hunger and we have a pretty darned offensive religion. I’m not even going into detail about our master race only marrying our own – thing.

So what do you find offensive about Orthodox Judaism? Here is my list…

The never ending towel

The quick spoilage of cholov yisroel milk

$3 slices of pizza

Kitnyos

4 hechsherim on things that aren’t even edible

Modesty Patrols

Charedi riots

Pedophile cover ups

Off the derech bitching about their loss of youth

Blaming everything on the gays

Liberal bashing

Republican worshiping

Frum Gays

Husband and Wife facebook accounts

Sheitles

The Age Gap Theory

Flaming Baal Teshuvas who insist on giving you mussar

Sushi with cream cheese inside

Mysterious articles about people who succumbed to the “dangers” on the internet without ever mentioning whether it was porn, drugs, prostitution, pedophilia, religious persuasion, gambling, bullying, wife swapping, NSA craigslist, big kiruv or one of the other dangers lurking on the internet.

Liberal Orthodoxy

Shomer Negiah cock teases (thank God I don’t have to worry about this defamation anymore)

Sephardic Rabbis against the removal of uni-brows because of beged isha

Those shuls that refuse to do heicha kedusha, even though it’s already dark outside

Hot Chani’s