Dear Mannis: You forgot to apologize to everyone who has had a traumatic diarrhea experience!

I found it pretty insensitive of Manis Friedman to compare such a traumatic event such as being sexually abused t diarrhea, but the more I thought about it,the more offended I became. Surely, there are people who have suffered through very traumatic experiences with diarrhea and surely he would apologize to those folks who have suffered through such extreme diarrhea embarrassment that they went for years without admitting it. Let us also remember that diarrhea can be deadly if you’re caught with it in a rural African village.

Obviously, I’m projecting, because the most embarrassing event of my adolescence was shitting my pants in the van on my 8th grade class trip. I’m not sire that Manis understands the humiliation of shitting your pants and having everyone pretend like they don’t know. Unlike most folks who were forced to fondle their rebbes in the mikvah, I can laugh about this event now (yes I have met some very well adjusted or just sick MFer type of folks who like to laugh about getting sexually abused by their rebbes and relatives – but thois attitude is rare)

I was definitely traumitized by the event and only came to terms with it one morning on the way to work 2 years ago. Basically I was getting off the exit when I realized I wouldn’t make it, I pulled a very illegal turn, ran a curb and ended up in an empty parking lot belonging to one of the local tech companies. I pulled my car into the corner and crapped a heaping amount onto the lot, covering it with a trader joes bag. I was able to laugh about it that day and realized that my 8th grade mishap was just as funny.

What Rabbi Friedman fails to understand is that not everyone is as crazy as I am, how many other people have talked about hitting on girls during yizkor? He did not mention one item about people embarrassed and traumatized from diarrhea in his BS apology post. I call BS, because my theory is that you have to apologize and allow people the opportunity to see what you apologized for or at least acknowledge that you immediately removed it upon realizing what an insensitive jerk you were being.

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