Hand Sanitizer and other things that Heshy Fried hates

Hate is a powerful word and being the super crunchy liberal I am, I rarely use the term. So the following list shouldn’t be taken lightly, because I’m about to list a whole bunch of things I hate. There’s a scene in the movie Babel which involves a women throwing her husbands drink away because the ice cubes weren’t up to her germaphobe standards and then before eating the meal (at some backwater tourist spot in Morocco) she puts on hand sanitizer. My wife and I went on a “You’ve got to be f%^&ing kidding me” style rant against hand sanitizer and I realized that I hated hand sanitizer.

Other things besides hand sanitizer (I also hate the people who use hand sanitizer) that Heshy Fried hates:

Slow lecha dodi tunes

Know it all hockers who always have a better story than you do

Asian ladies in the drivers seat

Grainy hippie humus

Tikkun Olam obsessive people

People who’re afraid of guns

Luxury pickup trucks


Gluten free craziness

Vegans for “moral” reasons

Smart water (but the bottles are very good)

Rubashkin Pidyon Shvuyim ads on frum websites

Meshichists from France and Israel (the American one’s are very tolerable)

Cilantro and White pepper (the only two flavorings I can’t tolerate)

Vital Vittles (and the people who think it’s good)

Parve Cholent (and other things that never belong in the cholent of the white man – chick peas, wheat berries, chicken, ground meat, quinoa)

Bathrooms with no reading material

Women who think porn is cheating

Having to lie about ugly babies being cute

Flamboyant Twinks in boy shorts (I’m more of a redneck bear kinda guy)

Mechitza’s without a view