21 ways not to be a Harry

A Harry is one of those terms you hear in the yeshiva world that you don’t hear anywhere else. For someone to even call someone else a Harry would automatically relegate them to some distant yeshiva past because modernishe folks simply don’t know the term exists. A Harry is basically someone who’s obviously modern orthodox and trying to be a black a hatter. You may call them an infiltrator, faker or flaming BT because of those peeps fit the bill. In yeshivish vernacular it used to be used solely to show how out of place BT’s were. For instance if I put on black velvet I would look like a total Harry, no matter what I wear I just don’t have what it takes to be a black hatter, my brother says I look like a flaming BT when I have black velvet on. A fan of mine named Satchel Boyd (no joke) wrote the following list.
1. Wear your hat a bit high up on your head, so your bangs are showing, but not too much.
2. Wear your tzitzis out, but grouped at the sides, for less wind resistance when walking fast to minyan.
3. Speak only yeshivish at shul.
4. Chassidish pronunciations should help, like saying the cholam as an “oy.”
5. Only white shirt on Shabbos, maybe a tie maybe not.
6. Black velvet yarmulke only, not knit with a black hat. That’s a total Harry thing to do.
7. Complain about Israel and those modernishe people, Harry’s are modern so they wouldn’t complain like that.
8. Don’t use silverware or napkins, those are assur for chukas hagoyim. Only Harry’s use those because they don’t learn all the time and are ignorant.
9. Maybe faint cholent or kugel stains on your pants. Harry’s are clean so they don’t have those.
10. If you have guests for Shabbos, have only Hebrew seforim out.
11. Say you went to the Internet Asifa, everyone will admire you for that but modernishe people.
12. Brag about the Chumros you hold by. Harry’s don’t have Chumros.
13. Forget about table manners during your infiltration.
14. Shove at Kiddush.
15. Make your kids (when born) wear black velvet yarmulkes everywhere until infiltration is done.
16. Instead of black velvet, you could always wear those Lubavitcher ones that are polyester or whatever it is now.
17. Wear super long, thick, wool tzitzis but still grouped at the side. I’ve seen Harries, and they wear cotton tucked in. Apikorsim.
18. Complain about Chabad no matter what, in the same breath as complaining about Israel.
19. Praise Aish HaTorah for the great work they’ve done with their SEED.
20. Don’t talk about Frum Satire at the table anywhere.
21. Maybe just stop reading Frum Satire for the duration of infiltration.

Find out more about Harry’s on 4torah.com

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