It seems that I rubbed some people the wrong way when I stated in a post last week that Judaism made no sense to me. It also seems that some folks mistook that for meaning that I am not a kosher witness or good enough to handle kosher food. I guess that anyone who feels that Judaism makes no sense should just hide their feelings and continue to be a sheep in the flock without questioning why they kept climbing the same hill if the grass was farther up the trail. Just because something makes no sense to me, doesn’t mean I want to abandon it, in fact, it makes me want to seek out an understanding even more.
The reason why I became skeptical in the first place was because everyone seemed to be touting this lame old orthodoxy which didn’t enrich their daily lives and did the exact opposite – it seemed that all orthodox people knew of Judaism was it’s people’s tendency to complain. Instead of complaining about the lack of meat in the desert, they complained of yeshiva tuition costs and the lack of kosher food in their town.
Just because I don’t understand how something works or why others are doing it, doesn’t mean I want to just stop trying to understand it. Through the years I have watched as friends have become more religious, less religious and whatever else may be in the spectrum. I have heard from most people that they are surprised that I am still frum, not because I’m always seeking to learn about religion and practice, but because my life was so good and it didn’t seem like religion needed to be infused in it. Anyone who knows me really well, knows that I’m a deeply religious and committed person. I make fun of those I love most and I love to stir the pot. Stirring the pot and scraping the nasty bits at the bottom so they float to the surface seems to be the best way to learn about myself and others in an open environment.
I’m not really here to tell you about my daily chats with the Lord, but I can tell you that one of the things we talk about is how Judaism makes no sense, yet it makes more sense than others and how could all these perfectly bright people be brainwashed into believing it. Then of course, I bring up the fact that perfectly smart people are Christian, Muslim, Pagan and Catholic – so is this really a good way to explain anything. God is a hard audience, it’s usually a one way conversation, but much of what you read here is first discussed in some hisbodedus fashion.
Lots of Judaism makes sense, but then I wonder if it’s needed nowadays and so on. Then I start wondering why I’m even thinking of such things, why not just ignore these feelings of skepticism and go on being the blind sheep that I’ve been for most of my life. Blind faith seems to work for most of the frum community…For all I know, God is always laughing his ass off when I come calling, usually during a break from a bike ride in the woods, but at least it allows me to think out loud and rock some cheshbon hanefesh.