What’s the deal with frummies and their gaudy furniture?

I had no idea what chargers were until it came down to figuring out what we wanted to put on our wedding registry. Apparently they are plates that you don’t use, except to put under the large dinner plates when setting a table, I put my foot down “they sounded super dumb and gaudy to me” I’m a minimalist and didn’t want my shabbos table (at the moment a couch stool) cluttered up with things that had no practical value. Apparently chargers are commonplace in the average frum New York household. I have found over the years that east coast frummies think that fancy equates some sort of French Renascence situation in their household complete with heavy drapes, bulging and very heavy wood furniture and ornate doors, columns and cherry book cases.

Somewhere along the line frummies started getting into the ridiculous McMansion craze, I called them Monsey Houses because Monsey seemed to be replete with these crazy looking ranch homes that had columns, chrome fences and marble driveways. It seemed that frummies had no idea what tasteful decorations were and felt they needed to have things that showed how douchy they could be.

By the way, many Sephardic folks are even worse then us ashkis – go to Queens and check out some of the crazy Bucharian homes and to Ocean Parkway to see the Syrian monstrosities. It’s worth the trip and I’m not even talking about the insides of the homes.

If you really want to showcase your frummy wealth you need to get the heaviest dining room table possible complete with very heavy chairs. You need red and gold drapes, huge bulging silver licht sets and lots of cases showing off your insane silver collection. It also helps to have some ridiculous seforim that no one would ever use, given to you for being a benefactor for some yeshiva.

It’s not just the rich that feel the need to decorate their homes with what I could describe best as exactly what Howard Roark would rant about in Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead. We recently received some of the most mafioso pillow cases I’ve ever seen from an organization to help out newlyweds who meet the income requirements. Gaudy is an understatement, the mobster pillowcases are funny. Thank God we didn’t get any crazy Judaica that many folks like to give, more is not necessarily better although it seems that east coast frummies think so.

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