Find me a shidduch: Into BDSM and Math

I know a lot of you may not want to admit this, but frum people may actually have sexual preferences. It also appears that sexual preferences are quite important, but there’s no way that this sort of thing could make it into the shidduch resume template for some time – because frum Jews are typically squeamish when it comes to sex. Heck, most rabbis don’t even use the word sex and when frummies espouse their homophobia they use words like “disgusting”. So of course mentioning your sexual preferences may seem to be a bit drastic for many people, I’m willing to bet that there are some people to whom it may even be one of the basis for the relationship in the first place. For instance this one fan of mine is looking for a marriage partner who is into BDSM and Math…

I relatively little experience with this sort of thing, first off I’ve been shomer negiah for my entire life, but before I was reincarnated into my current self I dated someone who told me she had handcuffs, whips, chains and one of those red ball gags – being the regular old frum guy that I am – I called the shadchan and had her blacklisted for her obvious illness and obsession with violence in the bedroom. Since then my mind has been opened, I’ve become immoral and joined the liberals in the fight for freedom of expression in the bedroom and have adopted the mindset of live and let live.

So how do you go about finding a girl someone to marry when one of her preferences is so unfamiliar to many in general society. Luckily she’s not asking for much, just someone to be open to BDSM, but of course the most important thing is that he’s into math, another thing that is probably not common on shidduch resumes. I have noticed that many frum people, especially girls tend to leave out the things that make them unique – like willingness to be dominated and the ability to use a Texas Instruments calculator efficiently. Telling me that your friends think you’re a baal chesed and that you want a learning guy is too generic these days.

With all that said and done, thank God this girl in mind is not frum. She grew up frum, but she needs a dude who’s into math and abstract politics. She told me that she’s so hard to set up because of all this, but in my mind it makes it easier to weed out all the regular old folks. She’s in NY and looking for a dude between the ages of 26 and 36, wondering why all the interesting people get married last. This is because the generic people don’t need anyone specific and tend to get along better than us weird and interesting folks. She is 5″6, wants a dude with blue eyes and she’s not so into overweight, though big dudes are fine.

If you do know of anyone please send me an email…

Find more shidduch resumes at 4torah.com