Top 10 frum finds on Urban Dictionary

My friend Eitan gasped when he realized I had no idea what the Stern Hump was, of course it was some random word that some douche invented on Urban Dictionary which is a site devoted to people who decide to make up offensive terms and words. Almost every word and term on the site is devoted to something sexual, racist, antisemitic or homophobic. Of course, that’s why the site is so much fun to wander about a check out what random Jewish words people have posted or invented.

These are my top 10 mostly frum finds on urban dictionary:

Stern Hump: When a female student from Yeshiva University excessively gyrates your leg or genitals while avoiding direct penile contact. This occurs when the girl becomes inebriated enough to engage in limited sexual activity without being forced to think of herself as a slut. This phenomenon is extremely painful for the participating male party.
Shit man, I have the worst case of blue balls”
“Did you hang out with Chana Leah last night”?
“How did you know”?
“She Stern Humped your balls into oblivion.”

Yiddish Invasion: When the sun goes down on Saturday, and the Hasidic Jews rush into Wal-Mart before it closes. Last night at Wal-Mart there was a sea of cowboy hats, beards, and fake hair as far as the eye can see. It was a Yiddish Invasion.

Yiddish Baller: An old brown-suit yid who’s wealth is masked by a barage of yiddish tactics. Such tactics include leaving his mansion to hop on the public transit system, not tipping satisfactorily after a lavish meal, and most undoubtedly driving an early ’90’s Mercedes. Look at this Yid, he spent $300 on dinner and left me a $5 tip. What a fuckin little yiddish baller.

a Jewish woman who dresses frumkeit (long skirt, long sleeved-shirt, covering knees, elbows, and shoulders); a take on the term Fergalicious where said Jewish woman is attractive yet dressed frumkeit
“Hey Shira, I feel so frumalicious in this new skirt and colorful sweater!”

Hashem: A fine Hansom young thang’. One who Runs the show with effortless swagger. One who has natural style that comes with ease, or…..Steeze…The perfect man for any job. The Leader. The FIRST best friend. The Never Frontin’ always Stuntin’….Ride or Die Hommie….(MASCULINE DEFINITION)
Damn yo….That kids my role model….hes like….a TOTAL….Hashem!

Hesh: There are a lot of definitions, click that link to see em’ :
in the skating world; hesh is the style that says you don’t give a fuck. Except, now that’s it’s been labled, no one is really hesh. You dig? The dudes with the tighter pants, smaller shirts, mesh back hats, and high top shoes…are generally hesh…but shit, if you say you’re hesh, then you’re not really hesh! You’re not supposed to care, dumbass.
“that dude is hesh”
“those are some hesh tricks”

Kike-a-cola: Coca-cola that is kosher for passover. Every year at Passover, the Coca-Cola Company manufactures Coca-Cola with sucrose instead of high-fructose corn syrup. It has a yellow cap, unlike regular Coke, which has a red cap. It’s available only a few weeks a year, for Jews who want to keep kosher for Passover. The Coca-Cola Company tries to keep it under wraps, as they don’t seem to want to sell much of the stuff, but you know now. It’ better than regular Coke because it’s thicker, has foamier bubbles, it burns when you swallow it and you can’t taste the carbon. Kike-a-cola is da bomb shizzle. Oy!

Kike Blocking: The act of jewish parents forbidding a relationship of their child with a non jew. Her parents are kike blocking because i’m a not a jew. They told her she had to break up with me.

Tefillin Date: When a religious Jewish guy brings his tefillin (phylacteries, a Jewish prayer accessory) on a date because he expects to be spending the night at the girl’s place and he’ll need the tefillin to pray in the morning. It is an indication that he’s religious enough that he needs to pray every morning with the tefillin, but not so religious that he won’t have sex. Shlomo had a tefillin date with Tzippi last night. I saw the bag sitting on the table at Estihana and then I saw him in the same clothing at Shacharis in the Jewish Center this morning.

Orthodox Porn:
1. A myth; bullshit.

2. When an Orthodox Jew shows you an ankle and/or wrist.
1. Bigfoot does not exist. He is so orthodox porn.

2. The other day at shul, Shoshona showed me some of that othodox porn.

Israeli Lane Change: changing lanes from one side of a 3 or more lane highway to the furthest inside or outside lane, using no signal and keeping constant speed.
Thanks to a lead foot and some israeli lane change skills, we made it to our engagement with time to spare.

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