I am a Frum Satire addict.

Awww how sweet.  This guy is proud to be Jewish. After waiting through the long shmalzy introduction, I realized this was a very good video.  I’m also proud.  Enjoy the next 5 minutes of this guy, and then my 5 minute reaction.

I am Jewish Video – (the video cannot be embedded)

I’m proud to be a FrumSatire Addict.

I am the reason you log in to see if anyone responded to your comments.  I am my definition of intolerance. I am my method of silent rebellion against a system that is getting corrupted. I am my method of vocal rebellion. I am satire and I am frum.  I daven mincha during the week. But I don’t care  that you only put on tefilin three times last month. But I do care that you put on tefilin if you are a woman. I think that’s wrong. But I don’t have any sane reason for thinking so. Deal with it.  It’s religion buddy. We are supposed to be illogical.

I am my feeling of anger and love towards my day school teachers for telling me that Avraham broke all the idols when he was three years old.  I could not find that story in the Torah anywhere.  And who said Vashti grew a tail.  That’s not there either.  I am the school board member who opposed the curriculum that was based 90% on the Little Midrash Says series, and 10% on everything someone remembered in seminary. I am the shock of learning that the Midrash Says was written by a woman who could not publish it in her name since we would not have taken it seriously.  I am the shock of learning that people take it seriously regardless.  I am the curiosity if anyone  thinks that Yitzchak really married Rivka when she was 3 years old and why no one says this is disgusting. I am the thrill of finding the German disco group Ghinghis Khan singing Moshiah in hot pants.

I am the reason you peek over the mechiza, but insist that you would only go to a shul with a mechitza. I am a wet dream fantasy of a hot Chani seductively chowing down on sushi rolls. I am why you hate New York when you visit here, and why you can’t imagine leaving it. I am everything Avenue J is not. I am the fear of religious fundamentalism by radical Christians, I mean Islamists, I mean Charedim. I am the idiotic comments on VosIsNaiz. I am the reader wondering if FailedMessiah is the real Messiah.  I’m the reader who thought Heshy was gay. I am the asshole who asked if Heshy had sex with his kallah yet. I’m the reader who converted to a religion of people who don’t show that they accept me, and I don’t care because I really believe in my yiddishkeit, even if the rest of the assholes in my shul are just putting on a show. Their life is a fake. I’m not a faker.

I am the joy of finding a hechsher on something I never heard of before. I am the anger that someone thinks that blueberries can have bugs, but that a slaughterhouse that abuses workers and animals is kosher. I don’t think it’s wrong that my friends on frumster pack a condom when they go out on dates in the upper west side.  I think it’s wrong that they use them, then tell the girl that they are not emotionally ready for a physical relationship. Frumster?

I only read two paragraphs of DROSENBACH’s divrei Torah and still can’t tell if he is serious or not.  I never understood what “Dwannab” means until I read it out loud and thought, “off the derech wanna be” oh, I get it. I’m the guy who wonders what A Nuran’s wife looks like. I think Tinok ShenishBeth is hot. I want Catholic Mom to spank me with her rosary beads. I am the reader who thinks that Telz in in Riverdale. I am the guy who defends YU. I am the guy who hopes YCT takes over the frum world. I believe in a God who hates lies. I’m shocked at R’ Shmuley Boteach.  No I’m proud of him, I’m pissed that kollel guys call themselves rabbi when they don’t have smicha but are told not to call the conservative clergy Rabbi since that gives them too much kavod.

I defend my beliefs. But I hate the guy in Bet Shemesh who spits on girls thinking that he was defending his beliefs.  I am the hope that a married Heshy is just as funny, but that he never makes fun of his wife.  I wonder why Heshy puts that stupid Jewish news clip every week thinking that anyone will comment on it. Latma is a hell of a lot funnier.  Don’t you know Hebrew? I have never searched for anything on 4Torah.com, but I’m going to now.  Maybe.

I’m I am a frumsatire reader and damn proud of it.  Who the hell are you?

17 comments for “I am a Frum Satire addict.

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