Guide to Nebach’s

I never really knew what Nebach’s were until I started getting into the age where who will be a Neb when they grow up starts becoming prevalent. Nebach’s go by multiple names, they go by Neb, Nebish, Nebby or plain old Nebach and although they are predominantly made up of unsuccessful older single mails who still live with their parents,  they don’t have to be such. I have met neb’s with fine jobs, who looked liked decent human beings, but had that unescapable nebishness to them. If Woody Allen was frum, he would be a good example of a Nebbishe guy.

Nebach’s tend to be older and single, we have established this. Even if you do get married, you’re not off the Nebach hook, there are plenty of married Nebs, frequently nebs marry other nebs and produce more nebs, but sometimes nebs are their own creation. Sometimes Nebs were cool in their youth, but they never left their youth and perpetuated their future Nebiness throughout their mid 20’s which should have been the most productive times of their lives. They could have done this by being stay at home jobless stoners, shana zayin guys who were bummed around in different yeshivas in Israel or dudes who were too self conscious to become men.

In my old age I have learned many things, but one thing holds true – while men get crazy in their older single years, the women just get bitter and this is the reason that there are less Nebish women than men. Sure, every shul has some old hippy single lady who comes around with her madness, but they aren’t as common. Yes, there are many budding Neb girls around, but they don’t take up real estate like the men do. The women nebs tend to stay away from shul and you only see them at meals which attract nebs.

That gets me onto a whole new discussion, Neb Meals – seriously – anyone who has lived in a small community knows exactly what I’m talking about. Those meals that always have the same 4 people every time, I avoid them like the plague, I walk up to one of the token nebs or future nebs in shul and ask them where they’re eating and I avoid it. Do this and you will never have to deal with Neb meals again.

This was supposed to be a guide, but it’s more of a fortune cookie sized piece of wisdom from a “I hope I never end up a Neb” so I avoid them like the plague kind of guy.

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