Best ways for converts to increase their shidduch market value

Was looking through old Facebook messages and I can’t believe I never posted this one by guest posted Anshel M.

Increase:

*Pepper your vocabulary with a little Yiddish, the more far-out the better;
*Learn some Hebrew, enough to say something meaningful. Good morning and where is the bathroom aren’t enough, you got that out of Lonely Planet, didn’t you?;
*Learn the history of your local kosher markets and restaurants so that when people mention them you can say things like “Oh, is that the one that caught fire/moved to Flatbush/where everyone would hang out on motzei shabbos back in 1992?” even though that was WAY before your time;
*Invest in some Crocs;
*Get yourself to a point where you genuinely have NO idea what people are talking about when they mention movie releases or any reference to pop culture.

Decrease:

*Keep mumbling those rap tunes under your breath while shuckling to the beat even though everyone else is singing the Aleinu;
*Make conversations with the opposite sex and touch their arm for emphasis;
*Forgetting to bentch;
*Forgetfully flipping off the bathroom light at the rabbi’s house during shabbat dinners;
*Kippah hairclips; and
*Standing there in the grocery store turning the bags of pork rinds over and over again because you swear you saw one with a hechsher one time.