Hate Mail rocks – with mussar is even better

I just received this mussar filled critics email and I love it, because it is almost the exact opposite of who I am – although if you haven’t read my stuff for a while or don’t know me in real life it’s possible to think this way.Unfortunately it’s not written in English…

Good morning Heshy. How are You.I saw you a few times in far rkwy over simchas torah.I was the guy that said shavuah tov when you were walking home with cramer sat night on beach 9th. So im a regular guy, just turned 30,single,etc…..I know its not my place to tell you anything bec i dont know you at all. Your obviously a smart dude, funny, pick up on every nuance and menusha in life and especially judiasm. Im not one of those guys whos gonna chastise you and your site because its not my place to. you obviosly went through alot of crap and what not in the yeshiva system which sucks. Youve probaly heard this a million times but i dont care about your site, your bitterness,are you religous or not. your probaly like 30 or so right? R u gonna continue your whole life just being angry,bitter,lashing out at the world.Dude man, life is short. We are getting older. weve lived a 3rd of our life. Do i wanna be 40, 50, seeing my brother and friends marrying off therye kids and i just shitted on life  stuck with my problems and hangups that i couldnt get past. Do you wanna  be like me? Do you wanna be remembered as the frum satire guy whos 40, 50 and writing the same shit in 85 differant ways and examples. Dude, wake up,live a little.Use your brains and humor for important things because life is just gonna pass you by………………..You will prbly post this and get a few laughs which is fine. I dont care. just figured id let u in on some of my thoughts………I also said Shavuah tov on purpose and heard you comment something. Maybe you said what, black hat guy saying that, its weird or maybe he saw me wearing jeans and was doing kiruv or was kissing up to or thought im a shaigitz so he was making fun of me, etc…Who gives a shit why a person would say that. Stop using your intellect for analyzing every word a religous jew says or thinks.

My emailed response:

Wow – nothing like some good old mussar, but based on your letter you clearly don’t know anything about me or my life.

I could tell right away based on the fact you think I’m angry and embittered, this is the farthest from the truth – only the writers, intellectuals and artists seem to get it and if it was written in a bitter way you may get it too. Not only am I not negative, if you knew me you may even be jalous of my happiness, I love my job (since I became a chef and moved out of NYC to California and removed myself from the traditional frum community life has been good) I would love to be remembered as a frum community observer, it would be great if my book coming out soon were to sell 100,000 copies and I would love to be labeled as a social critic. What do you want to be remembered as? You yourself seem bitter – I don’t really believe in sitting around wondering why I’m  not married – probably because I would rather be single – because in all honesty I never tried to get married. The fact you consider not getting married and having kids to be a shit life is pretty twisted, I call it frum community brainwashing – who says you can’t be a good guy and do something worthwhile without having kids – shit – look at the previous Lubavitcher rebbe – no kids and sure as hell remembered for goodness.

I use my intellect for dozens of things and while you may be doing nothing with your life, I make people happy with food, writing, comedy and insights every day, Not only this, but I make myself happy through food, writing, torah, learning and connecting with the heavens above through the most samazing backpacking, skiing and mountain biking, If only I could be remembered as a great writer who made people happy that would satisfy me completely.

I love that you think I’m bitter…love it!