I literally just thought of this post as I watching this hilarious video of Wanda Sykes talking about gay marriage, it got me thinking about how many videos I watch on a daily basis which are halachically questionable, I’m not even talking about pornography, I’m talking about hot girls ranting about twitter or the Wanda Sykes video mentioned above which contains lots of nivel peh and some sexual scenes as well. My friends always tell me that the difference between frum and modern orthodox (for the record, frummies would rather die than be called modern) is that frummies admit what they are doing is wrong, I wonder how many things I could come up with. Of course the skeptic in me wonder if God actually cares about most of this stuff.
99 things I do wrong but do anyway:
- Use nIvel Peh on a daily basis
- Forget to say brachos
- Rarely remember to bench during the week
- Rarely bother washing for bread
- Miss z’man krias shema if I don’t have to be at work early
- Daven without kavannah
- Don’t wash negel vassar except for in the morning when I wake up
- Not wearing tzitzis all the time (I need a new pair, so I haven’t been wearing them at all except for on Shabbos)
- Not dressing in nice clothing for Shabbos and holidays
- Talking in shul
- Reading random seforim during laining and davening
- Never showing up to shul on time
- Wasting copious amounts of seed
- Not being koveah ittim (on a regular basis is a bit redundant isn’t it)
- Loshon Horah
- Not always keeping negiah
- Looking at untznius women
- Looking at tznius women
- Looking at women
- Looking over the mechitza
- Talking about women
- Talking about sex
- Missing mincha (I missed it tonight)
- Missing z’man tefillah in the morning and then forgetting to say two shemona esrei’s for mincha
- Falling asleep with my tefillin on
- Lusting after treife food
- Coveting my neighbors salary
- Coveting my neighbors bike
- Coveting my neighbors car
- Coveting 3 day weekends without Shabbos
- Coveting in general
- Making fun of people holier than I
- Not respecting my elders
- Not standing up when a rav enters the room
- Doing half assed bows for modiim or baruch hu
- Eating outside of the sukkah
- Not being grateful for all the good constantly
- Not fully believing in religion or Judaism (technically most of this list could be thrown out the window if I wasn’t a full believer, but I believe more than I don’t believe so…)
- Bringing up the past lives of BT’s and converts
- Talking about wedding night sex at the wedding (a big no-no in frum culture and halacha as well)
- Being a kofer
- Being an apikorus
- Being bittul torah
- Bittul z’man (like I should be learning right now, but instead I’m writing)
- Talking back to rabbis
- Making fun of our holy torah and great sages
- Only knowing the gemara’s that have to do with sex
- Davening in my underwear or without a shirt
- Walking four amos without a yarmulke (very rare , only when I’m staying somewhere and I need the bathroom at night)
- Shaving the corners of my face (I like the scruffy look, but after a while it begins to itch)
- Drinking non-mevushal wine in front of heathens
- Using the internet
- Watching movies (I last went to the theater over 2 years ago)
- Watching Hulu (I can never find anything to watch, but I covet it)
- Reading books that would have been treife by my rabbis in yeshiva
- Reading heretical material like Heschel, Zornberg and Kaplan
- Shaking women’s hands for more than just business meetings
- Gazing upon the uncovered hair of a married woman (Rav Moshe ruled that we are so frei in this country that you can daven in the same room, but in the alter heim it was assur)
- Being friends with sinners
- Willing to eat from a single loaf rather than wait eons for lechem mishna
- Dropping my tefillin
- Eating pas akum during the aseres yimei teshuva
- Eating cholov stam
- Eating non-chassidishe schitah meat
- Not having long peyos (I’ve debating growing them for fun)
- Not wiping my butt with the proper hand (this is an actual thing – though I actually do tie my shoes the right way)
- Not cutting my nails according to halacha
- Biting my nails on Shabbos
- Not using kosher for Shabbos toilet paper
- Inhaling bugs, because I refuse to be machmir and wear a surgical mask outside
- Not drinking kosher water
- Not getting drunk on purim
- Not kissing the siddur
- Not rushing to kiss the torah
- Forgetting to say asher yatzar (this is rare because asher yatzar is one of my favorite brachos)
- Looking at graven images (if I was an artist I would make them too)
- Looking at women’s elbows
- Forgetting rosh chodesh
- Forgetting minor fast days
- Listening to music during the 3 weeks
- Making promises to God I know I won’t keep
- Not having proper kivud av
- Not wanting to live in Israel
- Not kissing the mezuzah
- Talking during shofar blowing (especially after I found out that techinically one only need to hear 30 blows to be yotze)
- Listening to women sing
- Davening in shuls with questionable mechitza’s
- Believing in science
- Violating the ban and looking at Making of a Gadol
- Not preparing properly for Shabbos
- Not giving enough tzedaka
- Not giving proper amounts of maiser
- Not keeping a washing basin by my bed
- Not wearing my tzitzis to sleep
- Not saying the bedtime shema
- Not saying karbanos
- Not going to shul in the morning even though I set my alarm every day and then snooze for 55 minutes
- Going on vacation to places with no minyan
- Believing that the rebbe is moshiach
Check out 4torah.com and search on a kosher search engine to prevent from doing things wrong
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