99 things I do even though I know they are wrong

I literally just thought of this post as I watching this hilarious video of Wanda Sykes talking about gay marriage, it got me thinking about how many videos I watch on a daily basis which are halachically questionable, I’m not even talking about pornography, I’m talking about hot girls ranting about twitter or the Wanda Sykes video mentioned above which contains lots of nivel peh and some sexual scenes as well. My friends always tell me that the difference between frum and modern orthodox (for the record, frummies would rather die than be called modern) is that frummies admit what they are doing is wrong, I wonder how many things I could come up with. Of course the skeptic in me wonder if God actually cares about most of this stuff.

99 things I do wrong but do anyway:

  1. Use nIvel Peh on a daily basis
  2. Forget to say brachos
  3. Rarely remember to bench during the week
  4. Rarely bother washing for bread
  5. Miss z’man krias shema if I don’t have to be at work early
  6. Daven without kavannah
  7. Don’t wash negel vassar except for in the morning when I wake up
  8. Not wearing tzitzis all the time (I need a new pair, so I haven’t been wearing them at all except for on Shabbos)
  9. Not dressing in nice clothing for Shabbos and holidays
  10. Talking in shul
  11. Reading random seforim during laining and davening
  12. Never showing up to shul on time
  13. Wasting copious amounts of seed
  14. Not being koveah ittim (on a regular basis is a bit redundant isn’t it)
  15. Loshon Horah
  16. Not always keeping negiah
  17. Looking at untznius women
  18. Looking at tznius women
  19. Looking at women
  20. Looking over the mechitza
  21. Talking about women
  22. Talking about sex
  23. Missing mincha (I missed it tonight)
  24. Missing z’man tefillah in the morning and then forgetting to say two shemona esrei’s for mincha
  25. Falling asleep with my tefillin on
  26. Lusting after treife food
  27. Coveting my neighbors salary
  28. Coveting my neighbors bike
  29. Coveting my neighbors car
  30. Coveting 3 day weekends without Shabbos
  31. Coveting in general
  32. Making fun of people holier than I
  33. Not respecting my elders
  34. Not standing up when a rav enters the room
  35. Doing half assed bows for modiim or baruch hu
  36. Eating outside of the sukkah
  37. Not being grateful for all the good constantly
  38. Not fully believing in religion or Judaism (technically most of this list could be thrown out the window if I wasn’t a full believer, but I believe more than I don’t believe so…)
  39. Bringing up the past lives of BT’s and converts
  40. Talking about wedding night sex at the wedding (a big no-no in frum culture and halacha as well)
  41. Being a kofer
  42. Being an apikorus
  43. Being bittul torah
  44. Bittul z’man (like I should be learning right now, but instead I’m writing)
  45. Talking back to rabbis
  46. Making fun of our holy torah and great sages
  47. Only knowing the gemara’s that have to do with sex
  48. Davening in my underwear or without a shirt
  49. Walking four amos without a yarmulke (very rare , only when I’m staying somewhere and I need the bathroom at night)
  50. Shaving the corners of my face (I like the scruffy look, but after a while it begins to itch)
  51. Drinking non-mevushal wine in front of heathens
  52. Using the internet
  53. Watching movies (I last went to the theater over 2 years ago)
  54. Watching Hulu (I can never find anything to watch, but I covet it)
  55. Reading books that would have been treife by my rabbis in yeshiva
  56. Reading heretical material like Heschel, Zornberg and Kaplan
  57. Shaking women’s hands for more than just business meetings
  58. Gazing upon the uncovered hair of a married woman (Rav Moshe ruled that we are so frei in this country that you can daven in the same room, but in the alter heim it was assur)
  59. Being friends with sinners
  60. Willing to eat from a single loaf rather than wait eons for lechem mishna
  61. Dropping my tefillin
  62. Eating pas akum during the aseres yimei teshuva
  63. Eating cholov stam
  64. Eating non-chassidishe schitah meat
  65. Not having long peyos (I’ve debating growing them for fun)
  66. Not wiping my butt with the proper hand (this is an actual thing – though I actually do tie my shoes the right way)
  67. Not cutting my nails according to halacha
  68. Biting my nails on Shabbos
  69. Not using kosher for Shabbos toilet paper
  70. Inhaling bugs, because I refuse to be machmir and wear a surgical mask outside
  71. Not drinking kosher water
  72. Not getting drunk on purim
  73. Not kissing the siddur
  74. Not rushing to kiss the torah
  75. Forgetting to say asher yatzar (this is rare because asher yatzar is one of my favorite brachos)
  76. Looking at graven images (if I was an artist I would make them too)
  77. Looking at women’s elbows
  78. Forgetting rosh chodesh
  79. Forgetting minor fast days
  80. Listening to music during the 3 weeks
  81. Making promises to God I know I won’t keep
  82. Not having proper kivud av
  83. Not wanting to live in Israel
  84. Not kissing the mezuzah
  85. Talking during shofar blowing (especially after I found out that techinically one only need to hear 30 blows to be yotze)
  86. Listening to women sing
  87. Davening in shuls with questionable mechitza’s
  88. Believing in science
  89. Violating the ban and looking at Making of a Gadol
  90. Not preparing properly for Shabbos
  91. Not giving enough tzedaka
  92. Not giving proper amounts of maiser
  93. Not keeping a washing basin by my bed
  94. Not wearing my tzitzis to sleep
  95. Not saying the bedtime shema
  96. Not saying karbanos
  97. Not going to shul in the morning even though I set my alarm every day and then snooze for 55 minutes
  98. Going on vacation to places with no minyan
  99. Believing that the rebbe is moshiach

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