Guide to the different crises of the frum community

I am sure that there have been many a crisis throughout the history of Jewish people, like the Golden Calf crisis and the Girls of Moab crisis, but in my lifetime alone I remember a number of crisis taking place and here is a guide to said crises within the frum community. Some folks may even compare our crisis to those international crisis like AIDS, Cancer and poverty so bad that the UN drops bags of rice from Helicopters as everyone starts shooting each other – I imagine this may happen in in Lakewood one day but not yet. This is merely reference for those who wonder what the heck I am talking about when I mention the shidduch crisis, although if you don’t know what that is you must be living under a rock or just being a voyeur of the community.

Kids at risk crisis: In the late 90’s frum community leaders discovered that frum teenagers were like regular teenagers, they wanted to do drugs, drink and have sex and they declared the kids at risk crisis in which they tried in vain to prevent their sons and daughters by showing them the beauty of religion by shipping them away to Israel and reject yeshivas with the hopes of preventing their destructive ways from infecting the siblings and from devalued shidduch resumes from having a sibling who went “off”.

Bugs in the water crisis: In New York they discovered bugs in the water and everyone went ape, eating bugs is a grave sin and everyone went out and bought filters, suddenly water had to be kosher.

Bugs in the Strawberries crisis: Indeed it was a crisis when strawberries were discovered to contain tiny crustacians because the frum community was obsessed with putting strawberries into their salads and had to switch to mango.

Indian Sheitle Crisis: Apparently the Indians (dots not feathers) worship their hair and since many shietles (wigs) were made from Indian hair it set off a scare in the frum community, because half the Torah is devoted to the ills of idol worship and wearing a sheitle that may or may not have been worshipped by some burger franchises owners wife was due to tempt frum ladies into worshipping their hair. Wait a second, isn’t reserving the hair for the husband like worshiping it? The Indian Sheitle crisis turned into a fiasco and a big chillul hashem when the frummies involved decided to burn all the wigs rather than give them to cancer patients.

Visiting Day Crisis: This obscure crisis wasn’t so obscure if you hung out in the frum blogs and news-sites a couple of years ago, It all started when some frummies decided that visiting day (for frummies from NY who drive to visit their kids in the Catskills) was getting too pricey. The traffic sucked and you were “forced” to take your kid out to pizza in Woodbourne and to Wal Mart in Monticello.

Orthoprax Crisis:This newish crisis was started when suddenly people in the frum community discovered that many people weren’t frum, they were just going along with the motions to remain socially orthodox. I have no idea why this is a problem, but apparently it’s such a problem they have deemed it a crisis.

Internet Crisis: The crisis is over, but back in the day it was a crisis, before they figured it out that unlike TV the internet is a necessity.

Shidduch Crisis: Too many girls, not enough guys, many girls will remain single throughout their lives and this is a true crisis, because we need to repopulate the world with Jewish babies. Other causes are secular society and the girls leaving the kitchen for the workplace.

Young Divorce Crisis: Many folks are scared to remain single, lest they be considered part of the shidduch crisis and suddenly they find themselves in loveless marriages that last for a whopping 3 months, I have even herad of marriages breaking up after the sheva brachos – do they at least get to keep the gifts?

Yeshiva Tuition Crisis: Yeshiva tuition has always been expensive,m considering the fact that until 50 years ago everyone pretty much went to public school and learned their Judaic studies from a rabbi or their parents, those people turned out fine, but suddenly people in the yeshiva world realized that they couldn’t afford to send their kids to yeshiva and thus the yeshiva tuition crisis began and still rages to this day. Take for instance the local day school in my neck of the woods – South Peninsula Hebrew Day School – $16,900 a year and you are eligible for tuition assistance if you make up to $120,000 a year. Now how on earth do those future generations of kollel families who are far removed from anyone who can support them, expect to send their kids to yeshiva. One of my buddies in Palo Alto, opted out of this madness and sent his kids to public school and I think the other parents in shul have a bit of envy, considering the fact that his kids are frummer and smarter in Torah subjects than most of the other kids their age.

Find out more about the shidduch crisis on