Helping a brother in need

Bridge over troubled watersSo I’m driving by Spuyten Duyvil Station on my way into Manhattan and I see a guy on top of the bridge over the Hudson Parkway.  I pull over and yell out “Hey what are you doing up there?”

He says “Life is not worth living.”

So I yell back “That’s not true.  Sure we all have problems, let’s talk about it.”

He says “How would you know what my life is like?”

I ask — “Do you believe in God?”

“Yes”

I say: “Great,  I do too.  Are you Jewish or Christian?”

“Jewish”

“Hey!  Me too.  I’m sure we’ll have a lot in common.  We should talk.  Are you Orthodox, Conservative, or Reform?”

He says “I’m Orthodox”

“Hey! Me too!  Are you Yeshivish Orthodox or Modern Orthodox?”

He says “Modern Orthodox.”

I yell back “Me too.  Hey, I bet you live in Riverdale, right?”

“Yes”

I yell “Wait a sec, do you go to RJC? (Riverdale Jewish Center)”

He responds “No, I go to HIR (Hebrew Institute of Riverdale)”

“HIR — that’s Rabbi Weiss’ shul — the liberal, radical, with the low mechitza, women’s rights and all the hugging!  You call that Orthodox!  Die you heretic scum.”  I got back in my car and B”H I made it in time for my midtown meeting.

I don’t know what happened to the guy.

[Tip of the kippa to Emo Phillips]

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