Why frummies don’t eat vegetables

The frum Jewish population isn’t exactly known for its fresh produce intake and there are a lot of reasons for this, now before I get into the nitty gritty of our lack of healthful eating let me counteract your angry responses. I know that some Jews do in fact eat veggies, fresh ones at that, I have seen my fare share of cholent made with fresh beans, potatoes and barely. I have also had my fair share of coleslaw’s, potato salad’s and other vegetable offerings drenched in mayonnaise and other forms of sugar and egg yolk filled condiments. I have even seen the nutrient filled broccoli floret in frum homes, albeit flash frozen and drowned in some form watery sugary sauce with dried sugary cranberries floating amidst the once glorious now soggy, but insect free broccoli floret. So yes frum Jews eat their veggies, but rarely are they on the madreiga that they ought to be and I have come to that sad realization whenever I leave this glorious area of farmers markets filled with the freshest and most beautiful produce I have ever seen that many frum Jews have never experienced what I take for granted.

Why frum Jews have shunned the vegetable:

There’s bugs in there man: It’s true, I admit it, some of the best produce has the best and most heartiest bugs – for God sake don’t buy dyno kale, baby collards or minzuna, but please buy the watercress, wild arugala and miners lettuce, they usually have no buigs and make glorious fresh salads. Have we become such lazy Jews that we shouldn’t check our produce for insects? It may just be that most frum folks have never experienced produce on such as lofty taste level and so they don’t feel that it’s worth the time and effort and so they avoid it…

It’s goyishe and it’s not part of our mesorah: Bright colored healthy veggies are pretty goyishe if you think about it, first off they are colorful and our ancestors were anything but, they never had peaches in the shtetl and indulging our physical bodies with such goodness may not only be feeding the yetzer harah, but going against our mesorah as well. I’m willing to bet that they didn’t have much more than root veggies in the shtetl, so I guess beets, rutabagas, sweet potatoes and parsnips are cool then?

It’s untznius: You have got to admit that the strawberry ban must have had some sexual connotation to it, after all the strawberry is incredibly sexually looking and it’s the official fruit of the goyishe tu b’av known as valentines day. Also, when you cut a strawberry in half it kind of looks like a vagina, not that I would know of such things – what;s a vagina look like anyway? Did you know that many people only eat fruits and veggies to lose weight and this is purely indulging the physical – proof that veggies are only about looks, not about appreciating Gods glorious creations.

They’re expensive: It’s true fruits and veggies are pricey, especially if you buy good ones (unless you live in my neck of the woods where they grow the darned things) and I cannot counteract on that, except to say that everything kosher is expensive and once you taste a freshly picked white nectarine or Asian pear you may be able to fit fresh produce into that budget of yours – unless you happen to be learning in kollel – then I csan’t help you.