A girls guide to shadchan speak

A Girl’s Guide to Shadchan-Speak

by Chaya Miriam Jurado

Why should guys have all the fun? The following may or may not help you with your search.

*He’s a bookkeeper = he can’t even change the windshield wipers on his car;

*Used to play football = fat;

*Learns in Kollel = unemployed;

*Is it okay with you if he has children? = …because all eight of them are going to hate you;

*Really affectionate = has already put a tracking device on your phone;

*Will not relocate from Monsey = [insert expletive here];

*Committed to shalom bayis = sex fiend;

*Graduated from YU = can’t grow a beard to save his life;

*Good with kids = 5’3”;

*Enjoys quiet nights at home = start stocking up on Coors Light;

*Comes from a good family = never gets off the phone with his mother;

*How do you feel about an age difference? = I’ve got a 19-year-old and a 57-year-old, take your pick;

*Impeccable midos = going bald;

*Likes baseball = has a TV…with HBO;

*Seeking an open-minded girl = wants you to live with him first;

*Has a youthful energy = uncontrollable acne;

*Wants to see you again = change your phone number, quick!