44 reasons to go off the Derech

At some point in the near future I should do a serious list of the things that make people go off the derech, not that this isn’t serious, but it’s just for fun and not detailed. There are a lot of good reasons to go off the derech and a lot of things that make people go off the derech, like having your BT parents tell you not to do something and than catching them do that very thing. Either way, I whipped this one up and hope you enjoy!

44 reasons to go off the derech

  1. Putting the Kiddush levana cards back – they should have someone who does this
  2. Saturday morning cartoons – the smurfs when I was a kid
  3. Yeshiva on Sundays – a great reason to leave the path
  4. Shop classes in public school sound way cooler – I wish I would have a skill like woodworking or car fixing
  5. 99 cent meals – ah the joy of cheap food
  6. Getting rid of guilt
  7. The French Laundry
  8. Real weekend vacations – this is a big deal actually
  9. The wind in your hair (for married women – or frum guys)
  10. Nude beaches
  11. Period sex
  12. Live in girlfriends
  13. Free school
  14. Cheese and meat
  15. Real breakfast – bacon and eggs, sausage
  16. College Football
  17. Tattoos
  18. Kol Isha – listening to Lady Gaga is definitely worth going off
  19. The never ending towel – disgusting and sanctioned by the frum community
  20. Behab – just sneaks up on ya and bam
  21. Dorm searches – give me my cd’s back you bastards
  22. Aish Discovery – yes they claim to be the best frum missionaries, but how many people does it push off
  23. Shabbos – I bet you most people consider work a day of rest compared to shabbos davening
  24. Tight knit Jewish communities – everything is known, including the fact you wore a suede yarmulke once for purim
  25. Being considered a spinster at 24 – don’t you just want to focus on your career
  26. Bestiality – the only reason I don’t screw goats is because I’m frum
  27. Homosexuality – you’re gay and you’re hated, what better reason to abandon a religion that hates you
  28. Gang Bangs – not my thing, but I’m sure it’s a good reason
  29. Wife Swapping – we all know about the frum wife swapping rings, but what fun is it when you have to be all secretive about it
  30. Full Hallel – such a pain
  31. Yom Kippur Musaf – an even bigger pain
  32. Your rabbi molested you – then Agudah said you should report it to rabbis instead of the cops
  33. Forced marching in the Israeli Day Parade – it’s absolute hell
  34. Jewish geography – I wish I could just introduce myself with my first name, not my family history
  35. Dating for 3 weeks getting married for 2 months and realizing the insanity
  36. Rubashkin – not only was it anti-semitic, they even called him a role model
  37. Hebrew National
  38. Eating Triangle-K and not being struck by lightning
  39. Platonic relationships – orthodoxy believes women are only for sex
  40. You didn’t exactly frum out during your year in Niveh
  41. Mixed swimming (modern orthodox people are already considered off the derech by most branches of real Torah true authentic Judaism)
  42. Having a Facebook account with your real name without your wife
  43. Working in the porn industry
  44. Early shabbos – you just couldn’t hack shabbos starting any earlier