At some point in the near future I should do a serious list of the things that make people go off the derech, not that this isn’t serious, but it’s just for fun and not detailed. There are a lot of good reasons to go off the derech and a lot of things that make people go off the derech, like having your BT parents tell you not to do something and than catching them do that very thing. Either way, I whipped this one up and hope you enjoy!
44 reasons to go off the derech
- Putting the Kiddush levana cards back – they should have someone who does this
- Saturday morning cartoons – the smurfs when I was a kid
- Yeshiva on Sundays – a great reason to leave the path
- Shop classes in public school sound way cooler – I wish I would have a skill like woodworking or car fixing
- 99 cent meals – ah the joy of cheap food
- Getting rid of guilt
- The French Laundry
- Real weekend vacations – this is a big deal actually
- The wind in your hair (for married women – or frum guys)
- Nude beaches
- Period sex
- Live in girlfriends
- Free school
- Cheese and meat
- Real breakfast – bacon and eggs, sausage
- College Football
- Tattoos
- Kol Isha – listening to Lady Gaga is definitely worth going off
- The never ending towel – disgusting and sanctioned by the frum community
- Behab – just sneaks up on ya and bam
- Dorm searches – give me my cd’s back you bastards
- Aish Discovery – yes they claim to be the best frum missionaries, but how many people does it push off
- Shabbos – I bet you most people consider work a day of rest compared to shabbos davening
- Tight knit Jewish communities – everything is known, including the fact you wore a suede yarmulke once for purim
- Being considered a spinster at 24 – don’t you just want to focus on your career
- Bestiality – the only reason I don’t screw goats is because I’m frum
- Homosexuality – you’re gay and you’re hated, what better reason to abandon a religion that hates you
- Gang Bangs – not my thing, but I’m sure it’s a good reason
- Wife Swapping – we all know about the frum wife swapping rings, but what fun is it when you have to be all secretive about it
- Full Hallel – such a pain
- Yom Kippur Musaf – an even bigger pain
- Your rabbi molested you – then Agudah said you should report it to rabbis instead of the cops
- Forced marching in the Israeli Day Parade – it’s absolute hell
- Jewish geography – I wish I could just introduce myself with my first name, not my family history
- Dating for 3 weeks getting married for 2 months and realizing the insanity
- Rubashkin – not only was it anti-semitic, they even called him a role model
- Hebrew National
- Eating Triangle-K and not being struck by lightning
- Platonic relationships – orthodoxy believes women are only for sex
- You didn’t exactly frum out during your year in Niveh
- Mixed swimming (modern orthodox people are already considered off the derech by most branches of real Torah true authentic Judaism)
- Having a Facebook account with your real name without your wife
- Working in the porn industry
- Early shabbos – you just couldn’t hack shabbos starting any earlier
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