How do I tell a shadchan I want a girl with a huge rack?

This may be one of the funniest shidduch advice questions I have ever received, I find it even funnier because the guy sending it is on the yeshivish side and has probably not had much experience with his subject other than from an aesthetic appreciation, but not from a practical application such as preference for speed or bounce.

After reading your post on “makpid on looks”, however, I have to ask you: how do I make sure I get set up only with girls who have large breasts?

Now that I am done laughing my ass off, you should NEVER EVER ask a shadchan or someone are not good enough friends with to discuss such important pressing matters with – to set you up with large chested women. The only way to assure that a shadchan will set you up with a large chested woman is to ask for one of their zaftig models, but then you may not be able to differentiate between their boos and their stomach.

When the shadchans or my (aged) rabbis or certain frummies ask me what I’m looking for in a girl, I can’t just tell them “if she’s not at D, she’s not for me.” It would be a waste of time for me to meet a girl with anything less (unless her personality was extremely amazing, but even then, I would try to find someone with huge ones AND an amazing personality).

I would suggest hiring a private investigator or stalking the hell out of the girl before dating her. You can always ask for a picture, but since most shidduch pictures are from the neck up it’s hard to tell, maybe you would be able to see if she has a look of strain on her face – this could be strain from trying to support her large rack, it could also be because the picture was taken during a bad bout of constipation. There is no correlation that girls with big boobs have a better or worse personality, they just have trouble running and finding the right sized bra – I dated a girl who wore a G -cup bra and it took her forever to find that size – yes I repeat abcdefG.

I feel like if I settle for a chick with smaller ones, I will be doing just that – – – settling. Every time a chesty Esti (those hardcore beis yaakov girls with gigantic racks) walks into a room, I go crazy. I can ask a few friends about perspective girls’ racks, but sometimes not all of my “cool” friends know the girls, and then I will be stuck wondering. I’m really not shallow in terms of looks; I agree with what you said about having a killer brain, and that is my TOP priority (along with my hashkafas), but massive boobs are right up there and I want to be sure I get set up only with girls who are big on top. I just can’t tell the frummies that. Please help.

How come you never informed me of the Chesty Esti thing, I think I should have known of such bais yaakov urban dictionary themes. You’re mostly right, you cannot tell frummies that, it means your minds in the gutter and it is, but of course you’re not shallow – you just want what’s right for your babies when you have them – you do realize that her breasts will be even larger after she gets knocked up by you right? I would be interested to hear your story if you did ask a shadchan or write on your saw you at sinai profile that you wanted a girl with a huge rack – that may cause quite a stir on the yeshiva world news forums.