Indian Tefillin

Once in a while someone sends me the link to a blog that entertains enough for me to feel competent in posting one of their posts on this here site. To be honest, I’m not much in the writing mood and this week may be one of guest posts and videos, but fear not – I promise it will be entertaining. The following post was taken from Life on a Cotton Ball, it’s a funny read (maybe he’ll even change his theme so we can actually see the damned blog without going blind)

Flipping through a Chinese auction magazine, passing picture of shaitel after shaitel, I breathed a sigh of relief, remembering how our communities survived those dark trying times of the Indian shaitel crisis. I was enjoying this wonderful thought, when suddenly  reality hit me, the Indian crisis is far from over. While getting rid of all the shaitelach we overlooked something even greater, teffilin. How is it, that in our homes, houses that are so scrupulous not even to let in one bug filled strawberry, could we have overlooked something so great.

In Hinduism, cows are holy. For all we know, the cow who’s hide was used to make your teffilin was once regarded as a deity by an Indian! My first thought was that we must ban Indian teffilin immediately, but then I realized that it wouldn’t be enough. In today’s day and age, with airplanes, cow worshipers can be everywhere. For all we know, one went to Israel as a tourist, was walking in the Gallil, and saw a cow. This cow later became mixed into the herd, and now we don’t know which one it is! As something that was used for avoda zara, it cant just be ‘batul berov’ of the other non – worshiped cows! It classifies that entire herd as cow – worshiped, and renders them unusable for teffilin!

Therefore, from the makers of the shatnez free baseball gloves, we are pleased to announce a new product, Hindu free cows. Raised in green houses in Lakewood, these cows only eat the finest bodek lettuce, and yoshon oats, and drink only water that has been three times filtered to ensure no bugs. Kept sealed away prowling Hindus until the day they are slaughtered, these cows are the ideal teffilin hides for all ‘yirai’im’.

For more information about how to obtain your very own Hindu -free cow, please contact the LKCRA (Lakewood Kosher Cattle Ranchers Association).