Jizz in my pants – the frum edition

Jizz in my pants is an insanely popular SNL skit (99 million views I think) about guys wasting seed and the dangers of not getting that seed where it’s supposed to go. Calm Kallahs has an entire forum about the subject. Anyway, when I thought of this I laughed real hard and kept laughing when I wrote it and then thought about how everyone is either going to find it funny or plain old sick – which is fine by me.

Saw you looking at me from across the mechitza
Wonder if we can meet when they start reading the haftorah
I can’t concentrate on this rabbis speech
Then I see you get out of your seat
And then I jizz in my pants

Our hands touch when you passed me the chrain
I’ll never look at gefilte fish the same way
I want you so bad I cannot wait
I’m already dreaming of our first shidduch date
And then I jizz in my pants

I can’t believe you have your seat belt on
If she’s that modern she’s probably wearing a thong
I wonder if my black hat is too far from her velte
She reaches down to adjust her seat belt
And then I jizz in my pants

I heard you’re not the typical bais yaakov girl
Does that mean that you will rock my world
You said that wear denim and red
Then you said, you don’t dress tznius to bed
And then I jizz in my pants

I was trying to get cholent at Kiddush
You were also and you by accidentally rubbed my tush
I don’t think you noticed, but I couldn’t help it
And then I jizz in my pants

I saw you have the new bugaboo
They are really pricey, I’m sure you knew
Does that mean you weren’t hitting on me
When I saw you on 13th with your 4 babies
They were all dressed alike, I tried not to stare
But then you asked me whether its halachic shave it down there
And then I jizz in my pants

Standing at the chupah I’m so nervous
I hope I can shuckel and look serious
Then I saw you with that mischevous look in your eyes
Watching me as you and your parents pass me by
Can’t stop thinking about holding your hand
Suddenly od yishuma is struck up by the band
We are on our way to the yichud room
And then I jizz in my pants

12 comments for “Jizz in my pants – the frum edition

Leave a Reply