I predict a tsunami disaster

disasterIt’s predictable.
An earthquake hits Japan, a tsunami results, and more aftershocks come. This results in the death of hundreds if not thousands of people. Truly a human tragedy. So why post on Frum Satire?

Because the frum reactions are predictable — I see some already. You will certainly see these too, or maybe hear them from the pulpit this shabbos:

  • The Jewish Community of Japan was spared — because they performed the mitzva of Taharas Hamishpacha.
  • The Jewish Community of Japan was devastated — because they did not show honor to the Farshpitzer Rebbe who came to collect for his yeshiva last month.
  • Slemazel Goldberg was supposed to travel to Japan on business this week, but he decided to make the morning minyan for the first time in 10 years when he decided to say Kaddish on the Yahrzeit of his dear father. He missed his flight because the ruv asked him to stay a few minutes later to help roll the Torah to prepare for Taanis Esther. By missing his flight he was spared certain tragedy. Minyan during the week is at 6:40 am. Show up and avoid disasters.
  • Japan was targeted because of rampant immorality in Bangkok (they never taught us geography in Yeshiva) and because they translated Mein Kaumf into Japanese.
  • The gematria of tsumani is 197, the same as Hamayim Bamayim (Gen 1:22) and as Hamayim Vayichusoo (Gen. 7:20 and Ex. 14:28). Water in water; water that covers (do you like the fudgey translations?). Also the same as “Lo yihyeh licha elohim” (Ex. 20:2) — they violated the second commandment and were smitten with a tsunami. And “Tziva Hashem kein” (Ex. 39:43) G-d commanded this.
  • The gematria of Japan is 140, and if you count every 140 letters from the last Tzadi (in the word Mitzraim) from Jer. 41:17 that will spell Tzunami. That means that the prophet Yirmiyahu predicted this.

So what did your ruv say? What did you find on the charedi internet?  Who’s fault is this?

In order to be fair and balanced, let’s see who blames the Jews for this too.

A tragedy.

Credit to my new handy dandy gematria and bible code program to do the math for me. Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/astanhope/3592189/