San Francisco Brit Milah Ban

Babies in San Francisco are up in arms over the proposed brit milah ban there, many babies have voiced concern over not having the fulfillment of involuntary therapy that may reduce their risk of AIDS, but definitely reduces their shake time after using the bathroom. Babies aren’t the only one’s pissed about the liberals threat to circumcision thereby making it very hard for Jews without cars to drive 2 miles south of the city to get their brit milahs done in South San Francisco.

“This will put me out of business” The cities first Mohelet told us, a mohelet is a female mohel (many have wondered why the Jewish feminist movement hasn’t demanded brit milah for girls as well, they demand laining from the torah, tefillin wearing, yarmulke wearing, yet they haven’t actually sealed their equal covenant with God) “I had literally just jumped through loops and loops, responded to criticsm over my not wanting to do metzitzas b'[eh for obvious reasons and now the orthodox Jews have decided to really run me out of town this time.” In fact many in the less religious communities who have supported the Mohelet throughout her training, have blamed the orthodox Jews for wanting to ban milah in the city of San Francisco. Sources say that the mohelet has been practically bribing families to let her give their sons brisim, over letting them do it in the hospital.

Although orthodox Jews around the country are yelling that this is the start of another holocaust and that the liberals are the hidden Amalakites. The orthodox community in the Bay is merely standing by, they have engineered this as a plan to prevent ignorant east coasters from moving here and polluting the city with their Brooklynese. In fact the Bay Area only has two certified Mohelim and they both live outside of the city, so most say there is really nothing to worry about.

FS News has found it interesting that the same folks who are pro-abortion, are anti milah. We found it interesting that unlike many anti-abortion activists who allow abortion when it’s a religious ritual, these anti-milah folks are not advocating for choice when it comes to religion, rather they are calling for an all out ban on the ceremony.

Anyone who has had the circumcision will be grandfathered in under the new law and will not have to go the rather painful reversal surgery that the Hellenist Jews in the times of Chanukah did.