The orthodox woman who went to a mikvah once and sells her own milk

We recently met with a woman who has managed to stay away from the mikvah waters for her entire marriage, how did she do it? We got to speak with Malki Schwartz about her amazing feat and she had a lot to say.

FS: So Malki, what’s it like to never go to the mikvah?

Malki: I couldn’t really tell you from first hand experience, I went once on my wedding day and from then on I was pregnant or lactating for 20 years until I hit menopause, so it’s been an interesting 20 years.I could tell you that I never have to take a bath in lukewarm water with floating pubic hairs – gross!

FS: Would you say that the lack of keeping niddah ruined your sex life, it’s common for kiruv rabbis to get you to keep niddah because it apparently rejuvenates your sex life every time you come back together.

Malki: I don’t know about others, but if the sex wasn’t good I would have joined the bais yaakov PTA swingers club long ago, I see all these other marriages that didn’t have the no-mikvah opportunity that I had – so are they having a great sex life because of mikvah night? Who knows?

FS: We’ve heard that you sell your breast milk locally…

Malki: All of my breast milk is locally sourced and organically grown, how do you think I support my husband in kollel – I have 20 kids to feed and there’s only so long they can suck on me.

FS: are you certified by the local vaad as parve?

Malki: It’s actually quite political, the vaad doesn’t want to give me a hechsher for two reasons, to use the word breast is untznius (I don’t think it is) and it’s a moris ayin. Imagine if you had cholent for lunch and then your hosts brings out cheese cake – what if you have out of town guests – trust me I have daughters, it would be terrible if someone’s kids couldn’t get a shidduch because of a really milchig tasting cheesecake that was halachically parve.

FS: I understand, now tell me do you pasteurize the milk?

Malki: I have to, government regulations do not allow for the sale of raw breast milk.

FS: Well thank you for taking time out of your day to speak with us.