Attention: Please don’t ask Niddah questions at the table

So I’m sitting at this Rabbis table one week and he’s got some guests and all of kids are sitting at the table and he busts out this Niddah question that almost made me spit my food out.

Guy who obviously just started on the whole niddah thing: So Rabbi my wife can’t get to the mikvah on Tuesday, can she go a day early on Monday?

Rabbi: Uh, that’s not really possible, he looks exasperated kind of like a dog who just realized he’s getting carried away with the current.

Rabbis Wife: Oh shit, what do I do, I don’t want to offend him – doing the niddah thing is a bitch already…help!!!

Niddah Guy: Well I don’t understand why she can’t just go in the river?

Rabbi: The river is complex, we uh-uh, shouldn’t talk about this now

Rabbis Wife: sweat beads forming on the few hairs poking out of hair snood

Rabbi: Maybe we should discuss this in private?

Niddah Guy: I swear to God the guy has no idea what’s so private about the niddah thing, he looks like he’s taking it in stride, but I’m sure he’s taking to the bottle every night.