Reform Rabbi admits he’s not Jewish

In a shocking blow to the reform movement, a rabbi has come out of the closet and admitted that he’s not actually Jewish. Rabbi Christopher Kennedy stated in his sermon this past Saturday that although he feels Jewish, he really isn’t, he spoke about this ordeal while encouraging anyone in the closet for anything – come out!

While some of the older congergants started mumbling incoherently in midwestern – Yiddish, many of the younger members stood up and admitted that they too weren’t actually Jewish according to tradition, but that recent improvements in Reform theology regarding patrilineal descent had allowed them to enter the tribe. We spoke to Samuel Hutchinson of Temple Emanuel “I’ve always felt Jewish, regardless of the fact that I’m not really Jewish – neither of my parents are Jewish, heck I never even ate herring, but when Rabbi Chris got up and admitted that he wasn’t Jewish either I could just feel the love for the man.”

There has been some debate in years back as to what qualifies someone as Jewish, with dwindling numbers the Reform movement has decided to allow anyone with a Jewish sounding last name to someone who enjoys a Sunday morning chopped liver sandwich on a bagel to send their children to Sunday school, but many are maddened by this free entry into the tribe, many critics of the Reform Movement’s policies are incesnsed that anyone without tesachs or crohns disease would be allowed into the tribe – “we suffered through the holocaust, through no bread on passover and through chronic illness and they get a free ride”

Sources tell us that Rabbi Chris will continue to serve as the Rabbi of Temple Emanuel, he has no plans for a conversion, he told us that feeling Jewish is all one need to do in order to be admitted “we are equal opportunity here, we let anyone in, the last thing we want to do is be deemed as prejudiced or closed minded by the goyim.”