The high holidays are full of innuendo, so much that I feel I must repost my high holiday pickup lines with new twists every year. Who can resist with all that shofar blowing, chest clopping and aleinu bowing – besides all I can think about during yom kippur is my semen chasing me as Hashem shows me the recording of my life.
High Holiday and Succot Pickup Lines:
Can I dip my apple in your honey?
I have plenty of seed you can say yehi ratzon on;
I would crumble honey cake all over you;
I could lick you up like my grandmas tzimis;
I teach you how to blow my shofar;
You can blow more then a hundred tekias if you want;
Would you like to see my double length shofar;
Don’t worry we have ten full days to repent;
I’d like to tear you apart like a breakaway raisin challah;
I can clop your chest all day;
No leather, I have synthetic whips we can use;
We can cleave to each other all night;
I’d open you up like I would open my machzor;
At least your kittel won’t become like the infamous blue dress;
I think you may have to clop double for what I want to do to you;
Would you like to shake my lulav?
Wow I never knew girls would be able to hold my lulav and esrogim in one hand hand;
Would you like to come into my sukkah;
I hold that women need to have their own lulav;
Its little tight but I have some room in my sukkah for you;
You can sleep in my sukkah tonight;
Just like hallel, I go the full way;
How about I’ll be the shofar and you can blow me;
My esrogim are so smooth;
How about you give me a tekia gedola?
Just be gentle with the pitom;
Wanna play with my schach?
I’m not sexist, you can hold my torah anytime;
Don’t worry, I have more than bread to throw at you;
You can leave the kitchen, as long as you stop by my sukkah;
I can give you way more seeds then a pomegranate;
You look like a besula, mind if I make a shechyanu;
You look sexy in those orange crocs;
I love a man who knows how to use his lulav;
You would be surprised where I can put that esrog;
Gay Holiday Pickup Lines:
I felt you poking me during hakafos;
Is that your lulav or are you just happy to see me;
Why don’t we bang hoshanos together?
My what a big esrog you have;
I noticed you during aleinu;
I noticed you at the mikvah, let’s get it on before kol nidre;