High Holiday and Succot Pickup Lines

The high holidays are full of innuendo, so much that I feel I must repost my high holiday pickup lines with new twists every year. Who can resist with all that shofar blowing, chest clopping and aleinu bowing – besides all I can think about during yom kippur is my semen chasing me as Hashem shows me the recording of my life.

High Holiday and Succot Pickup Lines:

Can I dip my apple in your honey?

I have plenty of seed you can say yehi ratzon on;

I would crumble honey cake all over you;

I could lick you up like my grandmas tzimis;

I teach you how to blow my shofar;

You can blow more then a hundred tekias if you want;

Would you like to see my double length shofar;

Don’t worry we have ten full days to repent;

I’d like to tear you apart like a breakaway raisin challah;

I can clop your chest all day;

No leather, I have synthetic whips we can use;

We can cleave to each other all night;

I’d open you up like I would open my machzor;

At least your kittel won’t become like the infamous blue dress;

I think you may have to clop double for what I want to do to you;

Would you like to shake my lulav?

Wow I never knew girls would be able to hold my lulav and esrogim in one hand hand;

Would you like to come into my sukkah;

I hold that women need to have their own lulav;

Its little tight but I have some room in my sukkah for you;

You can sleep in my sukkah tonight;

Just like hallel, I go the full way;

How about I’ll be the shofar and you can blow me;

My esrogim are so smooth;

How about you give me a tekia gedola?

Just be gentle with the pitom;

Wanna play with my schach?

I’m not sexist, you can hold my torah anytime;

Don’t worry, I have more than bread to throw at you;

You can leave the kitchen, as long as you stop by my sukkah;

I can give you way more seeds then a pomegranate;

You look like a besula, mind if I make a shechyanu;

You look sexy in those orange crocs;

I love a man who knows how to use his lulav;

You would be surprised where I can put that esrog;

Gay Holiday Pickup Lines:

I felt you poking me during hakafos;

Is that your lulav or are you just happy to see me;

Why don’t we bang hoshanos together?

My what a big esrog you have;

I noticed you during aleinu;

I noticed you at the mikvah, let’s get it on before kol nidre;