I have no idea if Dov Bear is a funny guy or not, heck I don’t actually know if he’s a guy or not, he could be transgendered, a girl or even a robot for all we know, for unlike most bloggers who give up their anonymity or fade away – but alas I think he wants to compete with me – because the following post is quite clever. He and his fans came up with a whole bunch of things to say in place of the regular old yehi ratzons – that are usually about killing our enemies and so on.
Instead of gourd, pomegranate and other classic yehi ratzon items try
…that we all live in harmony.
…that we rise to every occasion.
…that our evil inclination be buried.
…that accusations against us be impeached.
…that we enjoy peace.
…that we figure out what you want from us
…that our enemies be squashed
Celeries and raisons
…that we all receive a raise in salary
Reader suggestions 2006
you should eat a lot of corn to match these corny joke (Rare Find)
kirby – curbed be your dog
pear – may you find it easy to find a clean pair of underpants every morning
parsnip – may your bris not be too short, nor too long
beet – may the beat go on, bro’
eggs – eggsellent source of B12 vitamins
bacon – may everything you put in your over bake on
Shevach – on your children, not on your dinner plate
black eyed peas – good music (Endless Silliness)
beets- may we beat our enemies
carrots- may our enemies be hit by cars, or may they rot (Avi Grossman)
Tuna so that our orchestras will be neither flat nor sharp. (priss)
We take several varities of deli meat and make a yehi ratzon that we should only see besuros (basaros) tovos. (Voice of Reason)
Reader suggestions 2009
Pis-tachois …That we may have better urine flow.
Honey …That we may get along with our spouse.
Plums …That we may plumb the mysteries of our Torah.
Carobs …That we may win a vacation for two in the Caribbian.
Beets …That we may stop beating our wives. (letz)
Broccoli — she-t’hei bracha li (tesyaa)
Ratatouille – that we don’t rat on our colleagues (esp good for Republicans ;))
Kishke – that we get mixed up round non-Jewish girls
Kashe – that we get to ask our Rov lots of questions and/or that we stop accepting cheques and credit cards
Martini – that our (Yiddishe) mother loses weight in the coming year
Borekas – that we work hard (SM)
Sour sticks- our enemies should have a sour year
Laffy Taffy-we should have a yr full of laughs (YC’s kids)
Mango: May our enemies be mangled.
Osem Bisli: May we all have an “awesome” year. (Jameel)
Pickles …the we should conquer the entire Land of Israel (Lurker)
Cake… so that our work may be as easy as cake.
Smarties… so that we will grow more intelligent this year.
Reeses… so that our arguments may have more reason.
Skittles… so that we may become better in our work.
Kudos… so that we may get credit for the work that we do.
Pocky… so that we can put our problems into our pockets like our presidents tend to.
PayDay… so that they may be larger.
If you’re not one of the rich Jewish power elite: 100 Grand… so that we may become one of the rich Jewish power elite.
If you are a single straight female or a single gay male: Mr. Goodbar… self-explanatory.
If you are a single straight male or a single gay female: Hershey… figure it out.
If you are pregnant: Milky Way… self-explanatory.
Likewise, one should refrain from:
Snickers… as it will encourage lashon hara.
M&Ms… as they will encourage our children to listen to violent music.
Butterfinger… as they will encourage us to steal.
Buttons… as they will encourage us to gain weight. (Author’s Note: As though all of this candy won’t make us gain weight anyway.)
Peeps… as they will encourage us to look at other people as sexual objects rather than human beings.
NutRageous… as they will encourage us to insanity.
Wonka Bar… as they will encourage us to sexual immorality. (kari)
Lettuce: Let us see the light of Moshiach soon. (Garnel Ironheart)