Everyone knows that the whole point of the lulav ritual was to test us, we come out of Yom Kippur with a clean slate and God wanted to see what he could do to shlug us up (don’t get me started with the shlugging kaparos sex jokes) so it’s pretty obvious that a bunch of men waving around palm branches could be seen as some sort of Freudian penis-envy ritual, so in honor of my refusing to join the bandwagon of commenting on the innuendo of lulavim I think you should go to GotEtrog.com and purchase your arba minim (four spices) there – since when is an overpriced lemon considered a spice?
I’m being serious – this dude decided to advertise on my site, but in order for me to make any money you have to go purchase your palm branch, lemon and willows from this dude. He told me that if you mention you heard about him from me you could get 5% off your order. I know that there are a load of you that live out of town – away from the abandoned cell phone stores – turned sukkah depot – so give a call to Got Etrog and get your lulav today.
Call now! 631-22-ETROG