Some frummies think a BT spouse will be better in bed

The first time I heard this one, I was talking to a girl whom I was dating, she told me that her Rabbis wife had told her that she had specifically looked for a Baal Teshuva when getting married so he would know how to please her in bed. I didn’t think much about it at the time, but as years have gone by, I have learned a few things and one of them is that just because you can have loads of sex without having the book thrown at you – doesn’t mean you do.

I think that a lot of frummies or folks who grew up frum have a misconception about the world around them, they think in ways that revolve around being frum. “If I wasn’t frum, I would….” enter in whatever forbidden pleasure you can figure out, but in all honesty, it’s different for folks who didn’t grow up frum. I have met plenty of BT’s who were virgins, while almost every one of my frum friends who stayed single past the age of 25 have given up their virginity’s. Just because you have a lot of sex doesn’t mean you will be good at it anyway.

I’m a romantic, I like to think that being in love – having an amazing spiritual, emotional and physical connection to somebody will foster a relationship and make your sex grow better with time – rather than seeking out someone who may have more experience than you because they had more time in the field.

So really what I would tell someone who assumes that sexual experience means they will click in the bedroom would be to look for someone who went off the derech and went through all those off the derech programs and than through careful indoctrination, free trips to Israel and lots of kiruv rabbi love they made it back to orthodoxy with whole lot of experience under their belts.

BT’s aren’t a sure thing, but folks who grew up in what they thought to be a repressive environment and rebelled will probably have loads of experience in the tashmish hamitah matters.