Items that may hurt your Shidduch Market Value

Depending on your hashkafic back round, the following items may or may not hurt your chances of finding a good shidduch, . I have heard about the table cloth thing for years – you know, if your family doesn’t use a white table cloth you’re out, but no one has actually confirmed this for real – causing me to place it in the urban legend stack. Now if your parents were baal teshuva or if you went to school with a wrinkled bais yaakov uniform – those are real issues that may cause your shidduch market value to fluctuate.

Baal Teshuva ancestry: If your frum from birth blood doesn’t go back at least 3 generations your chances at a good shidduch could be hurt. Your family must have some shtetl fantasy literature stating that someone related to you was an Illuy (prodigy)

College degrees: Do either of your parents have college degrees? This means that they were bitul torah for money, unless they are wealthy enough to buy you a good boy, you are screwed.

Non-hemishe brand products: If a shadchan were to come to your house and find secular branded products your shidduch market value could be reduced due to your lack of support for frum companies no matter how expensive the products are.

Off the derech family members: Did your kollel learning brother go off the derech and end up at shaya cohens one year? You may want to cover this up somehow.

TV: did your family own a TV at some point? Did they ever lie on a school application about it? Polygraphs may be necessary.

Play Dates: Did you have coed playdates when you were a child, deep discounts in your future prospects due to this. You’re like used goods by now.

Tongue Clicking: As any true bas torah knows, constant tongue clicking is what constitutes a “good girl” midos are nowhere near quality tongue clicking.

Chesed: All chesed claims will be checked to make sure that no tips, payment or free food was received in return. Walking to the hospital on shabbos must have been mesiras nefesh, 5 miles each way to suffice for the gaiva that you undoubtedly had when you told your friends about your bikur cholim and chesed you did. HASC is way too modern and is severely looked down upon in the yeshivish community.

Bais Yaakov uniform: Was your uniform always in perfect shape, we will check old pictures to make sure it was in the best condition and worn in a most tznius way. I am sure you have all heard about the tzaras many mothers had to deal with when they find their daughters looked like Asian schoolgirls.

Facebook: Unless you are a kiruv rabbi, you have no excuse to be on facebook. If you happen to be on facebook you may want to make sure that you are fans of gedolim and kosher Jewish music and that none of your friends are of the opposite sex.

Saw You At Sinai: Sure everyone knows someone who got married from saw you at Sinai, but we know those people were desperate enough to throw away their shidduch market value by not having true emunah and going to the treife zachen of the internet. Being forced to put up a picture that could be copied by anyone you are set up with is terribly unztnius.

Color: Do you wear any color besides gray, blue or black? You’re in trouble then.

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