Yo Momma’s such an apikores

These posts are so much fun, mostly because they are plain old silly, but also because they really allow everyone to get in on the action. Create your own, throw them in the comments section and lets see if we can get some good laughs from this series.

Yo Momma’s such an apikores…

She goes to the mikvah with nail polish on

Her water filter has no hechsher

She uses toilet paper on shabbos

Her sheitle says “made in India” on it

She takes her sheitle off when going to the strip club

She uses tongue when she kisses a sefer that fell on the floor

She passes her husband the baby when she’s a niddah

She starts niggunim at the Shabbos table

She thinks that Yiddishkeit is only for windy days

She pulls a Sharon Stone when meeting yeshiva boys that come over to take her daughter

She sticks out her hand when people introduce themselves to her husband

She touches her husband in public

She thinks women should have rights

She makes jokes at the table about the crunch being from her unchecked leafy greens

She shaved a money sign into her sheitle

Instead of burning up her challah, she makes her kids little rolls with it

She uses bacon for besumin

She shows her knees and elbows

She takes off her sheitle in the middle of the pizza store and wipes her brow

She puts a sock on the door when it’s mikvah night or any other “mitzvah” night

She wears a snood with a two piece bikini at the beach

She works a couple of nights a week at the “club” to pay for her kid’s yeshiva tuition

She has a blog where she writes about her experiences

She uses her battery operated pleasure device on Shabbos — she doesn’t turn it on of course

She asks her husband if he wants the salt while he’s motioning for it after she washed

She starts threads on Calm Kallahs

She doesn’t daven with the minyan but she sleeps with one

She eats human meat during the nine days

She makes sure to cut cake letters on shabbos

She says the bracha zokef kefufim before turning her husband on

She gives 10% of her tzedaka box funds to tzedaka

She never makes a siyum on shas

She sits on the front of the bus

She’s a democrat

She was a member of Shaindy.com