Yo momma is so frum

This might be the making of another series, but let’s start with just one. Some of these were taken off of my facebook status. No matter which way you cut it, these will be corny, but it’s fun and I am sure you all can come up with some really good ones.

Yo Momma is so Frum that…

She washes her hair with a tichel on

She won’t go into yichud with her own children

She visits the mikvah when she cuts herself and it bleeds

She blindfolded her sons when she nursed them

She kashered her hair when the Indian hair controversy went down

She tried to set you up on a shidduch when you were still in the womb

No one’s ever seen her

She has sex blindfolded

She adopted kids because being pregnant would imply she had sex at some point

She uses a piece of plywood with a hole in it, instead of a sheet

She doesn’t eat any fowl (chicken, turkey, duck) because of machlokes

She checks references for play-dates

She doesn’t let her husband use automated services because they are all ladies voices

She doesn’t leave the house during the 3 weeks because she may come to listen to music

She lives in a separate house during niddah

She only wears shabbos robes with shoulder pads

She has no friends because having friends means she may tell loshon horah

She says asher yatzar every time she farts

She has a milchig and fleishig douche

She wears rabeinu tam underwear

She is careful never to eat a food that resembles a male private part (bananas, popsicles, corn on the cob etc…)

She wears those sunglasses that blind people wear, claiming that only her husband is allowed to see her eyes

She doesn’t use the shabbos lamp because it takes away from the spirit of shabbos

She doesn’t go on the internet because blogs like this are a chillul hashem

Now you tell me why Yo Momma is so Frum?