In my life, the average wedding within my extended circle of family and friends appears to take place every six months. The age-old gripe about Orthodox weddings all being the same, with the same food, music, circle dancing, may be true, but is also provides an opportunity to meet people, reconnect with old friends, dance your butt off, and chap on some good food.
So imagine my surprise when Feigy (name changed) did not invite me to her wedding. I have known her for 7 years. Granted, we are not that close, but she invited people to her wedding whom she knew for only a year, including people who she wouldn’t even be friends with, were it not for my introducing them to each other.
At that point, one of my close friends said that I could still crash her wedding, enjoy the dancing and food anyway. So many of our shared friends would be there, that it would be impossible to tell that I was a trespasser. Feigy and I share the same friends. We’re in the same chevra, more or less.
I declined to attend on four counts. First of all, only beggars trespass into weddings, and I would post armed bouncers at my wedding before a beggar even thinks of crashing my simcha. Second of all, I did not want to create a Bar Kamtza situation. Third of all, I never attend a wedding without cutting a check to the couple. Weddings are expensive, and anyone who attends without bringing a gift ought to be publicly flogged. Fourth of all, I was not invited. Remember?
One of my friends countered that my presence at a wedding fulfills the mitzvah of mesameach chasan v’kallah. By that logic, I could be eating at Rose Castle every night, as long as I dress nicely, and do a funny dance to entertain a new couple. By that logic, I could start a second career as a badchan, entertaining couples in exchange for free meals. I would love to hear from other Frum Satire readers on whether it’s kosher to crash a frum wedding.
Besides, if economic times are tough, Feigy cannot accommodate 500 guests, and I failed to make her list, there is always sheva brachot for those who could not attend the wedding. But I wouldn’t hold my breath.