Stuff old Jewish people like

I didn’t write all of this, it was written by a trio of folks, and since I lost the email that asked whether they wanted to mentioned, I will mention them and I just hope they don’t get mad for being mentioned. I find that in this age of technology, most people aren’t very proud of the stuff they put online for one reason or another and actively want to keep their names in hiding, problem is that if anyone wants to pay a couple of hundred bucks they can find out everything about you anyways.

Written by Jonathan Schenker, Daniel Kalowitz and myself

Stuff old Jewish people like:




Borsht Belt Memories

A good shvitz


hysterically inappropriate comments

Laining super slowly


Racism – it was different back then

Walking around the JCC locker room naked

compulsive cleaning

Jewish geography

Kichel and herring

Schnapps – and telling people about all the folks they know that claim that daily drinking leads to a long life

Saying kenein a’harah

Tea and Coffee – they love to complain about shuls that don’t have a hot water urn


Plastic covered couches

Doctors- whether it’s constantly seeing them or their children/grandchildren becoming or marrying them



Complaining about the weather

Complaining about their arthritis and that they can feel the rain coming

Complaining that they aren’t feeling well

Complaining to their grandkids that they don’t call often enough

Complaining about everything

Doctor visits

Untznius girls – you look like such a tramp, go put some clothing on

‘expensive’ phone calls from overseas

Phone conversations that last longer than 5 minutes

Being comically short

Having 3000 door locks

Making shidduchim between theirs and their friends grandchildren no matter how inappropriate the age difference or religious background

Dollar stores

Cheating at card games

Old people names – Sol, Maury, Irv, Sal, Barb, Lou, Sue, Dick…

Misplacing cheap items and thinking they were stolen

Being early to shul

Playing favorites

Force feeding you while simultaneously complaining about your weight

Jackie Mason- why?

Talking about their burial plots

Old people summer camps


Small Cars

German Cars – my father won’t even buy German tools

Concentration camps

Being splashed in the pool

Modern technology

Spending money

Eyin hurahs

Other peoples grandchildren

Shvartzas – I was always told by all my older relatives to pull my pants up because I look like a shvartza

Shampoo that helps for dandruff


Single grandchildren

The word “diabetes” – like we don’t know what “high blood sugar” means


Spicy food

Aren’t sure they like:

Sefardim- are they shvartzas? (I didn’t write this one, but it’s kind of funny how when I think of old folks I always feel like there aren’t any sephardic old folks, like everyone who’s over 65 and sephardic is a mekubal)

Great grand children

Anything they order at a restaurant



The telephone