I didn’t write all of this, it was written by a trio of folks, and since I lost the email that asked whether they wanted to mentioned, I will mention them and I just hope they don’t get mad for being mentioned. I find that in this age of technology, most people aren’t very proud of the stuff they put online for one reason or another and actively want to keep their names in hiding, problem is that if anyone wants to pay a couple of hundred bucks they can find out everything about you anyways.
Written by Jonathan Schenker, Daniel Kalowitz and myself
Stuff old Jewish people like:
Whitefish
Schav
Borsht
Borsht Belt Memories
A good shvitz
Shpatzirs
hysterically inappropriate comments
Laining super slowly
Florida
Racism – it was different back then
Walking around the JCC locker room naked
compulsive cleaning
Jewish geography
Kichel and herring
Schnapps – and telling people about all the folks they know that claim that daily drinking leads to a long life
Saying kenein a’harah
Tea and Coffee – they love to complain about shuls that don’t have a hot water urn
Chazanus
Plastic covered couches
Doctors- whether it’s constantly seeing them or their children/grandchildren becoming or marrying them
Yiddish
Grandchildren
Complaining about the weather
Complaining about their arthritis and that they can feel the rain coming
Complaining that they aren’t feeling well
Complaining to their grandkids that they don’t call often enough
Complaining about everything
Doctor visits
Untznius girls – you look like such a tramp, go put some clothing on
‘expensive’ phone calls from overseas
Phone conversations that last longer than 5 minutes
Being comically short
Having 3000 door locks
Making shidduchim between theirs and their friends grandchildren no matter how inappropriate the age difference or religious background
Dollar stores
Cheating at card games
Old people names – Sol, Maury, Irv, Sal, Barb, Lou, Sue, Dick…
Misplacing cheap items and thinking they were stolen
Being early to shul
Playing favorites
Force feeding you while simultaneously complaining about your weight
Jackie Mason- why?
Talking about their burial plots
Old people summer camps
dislike:
Small Cars
German Cars – my father won’t even buy German tools
Concentration camps
Being splashed in the pool
Modern technology
Spending money
Eyin hurahs
Other peoples grandchildren
Shvartzas – I was always told by all my older relatives to pull my pants up because I look like a shvartza
Shampoo that helps for dandruff
Traveling
Single grandchildren
The word “diabetes” – like we don’t know what “high blood sugar” means
Shiksas
Spicy food
Aren’t sure they like:
Sefardim- are they shvartzas? (I didn’t write this one, but it’s kind of funny how when I think of old folks I always feel like there aren’t any sephardic old folks, like everyone who’s over 65 and sephardic is a mekubal)
Great grand children
Anything they order at a restaurant
Machatunim
Walkers
The telephone