I don’t understand feminists

So let me get this straight, feminists are pissed off that they:

Donít have to roll out of bed at 6:30 in the morning and go to shacharis

Donít have to toil over gemara

Donít have to put on tefillin in the morning

Donít have to learn torah (if a woman learns torah does that mean that itís automatically lishmah Ė learning torah lishmah is the equivalent of keeping all the mitzvos in the torah, or are they on such a high madreiga that women donít have to kow any torah at all?)

Donít have to daven three times a day

Donít have to wear tzitzis (the male version of a bra)

Donít have to wear a talis (itís freaking hot underneath em, good thing I donít have to yet)

Donít have to wear a kitel

Donít have to fast on minor fast days

Donít have to wear a yarmulke (sheitles kind of blow though)

Get to wear skirts which mean their crotches are always airy

Donít have to buy a lulav

Donít have to roll over at 6am and say shema while half asleep

Donít have to stay up all night on shavuos

Don’t have to be at shul on hoshanna rabba, days of slichos or chol hamoid

The list goes on and on, can anyone tell me why women are insistent on doing these things and why itís a negative thing that they donít have to do them?

I sure as hell donít want to have a kid, make challah and say tehilim on the train ride to work, but you donít see me complaining about your getting born into a lower madreiga. I’d much rather be on a higher spiritual level so I can sit around and laugh at the men who have to work so hard to attain the spiritual heights that a woman was born into.

Wait a second, if a woman was born into being so spiritual and doesn’t have to do these things, does that mean that if she does it, she gets extra brownie points for when she gets up to the big guy/gal in the sky? Or does it mean that she was bittul homemaker by going outside of the kitchen to do things that she didn’t have a mitzvah to do, like us men wearing tzitzis at night.