I was chilling with my buddy in the East Bay who is converting when I thought of this post. We were talking about the taking of the blood and I thought that Gerim must cringe when they hear about metzitzas b’peh. I realized that metzitzas b’peh must look pretty weird for anyone who didn’t know what was going down and I thought of this whole series of Stuff different Jewish Sects like based on that one thought. Being that I am not a ger, I sought out some of my diehard convert fans to help me with this post and I figured that since I really have no idea what I’m talking about the converts could add stuff they like or don’t like in the comments section.
Stuff Gerim Like:
- Making the minyan
- Getting invited to the Rabbis house
- Israel
- Dreaming about their dunk
- Picking out really Jewy Hebrew names
- Remind Jews from birth that Ruth, Jethro, and Abraham Avinu, were converts
- Trying to blend in
- Talking Theology – explaining the new testament to frummies
- When someone can’t figure out they are a ger
- Being frummer than everyone else
- Chamtzas all around the house
- To say things like before I was Jewish I ate?
- Make friends with strange looking Jews that have super long peyos
- Carlebach, Chassidus and Kabbalah
- Holocaust movies and anything else related to the Holocaust
- Jewish Holidays
- Reminding everyone that Moshiach will descend from Ruth the convert
- Saying Baruch Hashem all the time
- Sing xmas songs, unconsciously
- Peeking over people’s shoulders to see where they are supposed to be in the siddur.
- Flipping to the back of the siddur for transliterations when they’re singing too fast to keep up with the Hebrew
- Excessive ritual hand washings
- Being able to speak knowledgeably about a certain topic… Unfortunately, it’s usually a goyish subject, such as: fashion, art, men’s cologne, treif food and restaurants, drugs, mafia, porn, etc.
- Practicing the rasping ‘ch’ sound before any attempts to speak in public
- Hearing that even the rabbi’s mother couldn’t believe you weren’t born Jewish, that she thought you were Israeli “at least”
- Getting rid of the TV because the price of cable was getting too expensive anyway
Stuff Gerim Don’t like:
- Making Mi Sheberachs for people with names like Bob ben Tanya
- Admitting they are converts
- Being in a minyan with exactly ten men.
- Metzitzas b’peh
- Getting a bris
- Shuls that daven quickly
- People seeing their tattoos
- Getting set up with Kohanim
- Paying ridiculous amounts for schooling far inferior to which they’re used.
- Having to convert again
- The law of return debate
- Telling gentiles they converted
- The word Goy
- Having someone at the Shabbos table say they’d never let their son marry a ger, not knowing they’re sitting right next to one
- Having to repeatedly explain to Mom that no, I can’t eat that at your house even though you did go through all the trouble of buying kosher products
- Having old high school friends ask you what you’ve been up to lately and being able to hear their smile disappear over the phone as you tell them
- Talking about their past lives or telling their story