26 Stuff Gerim Like, 17 Items Gerim Don’t Like

I was chilling with my buddy in the East Bay who is converting when I thought of this post. We were talking about the taking of the blood and I thought that Gerim must cringe when they hear about metzitzas b’peh. I realized that metzitzas b’peh must look pretty weird for anyone who didn’t know what was going down and I thought of this whole series of Stuff different Jewish Sects like based on that one thought. Being that I am not a ger, I sought out some of my diehard convert fans to help me with this post and I figured that since I really have no idea what I’m talking about the converts could add stuff they like or don’t like in the comments section.

Stuff Gerim Like:

1. Making the minyan
2. Getting invited to the Rabbis house
3. Israel
4. Dreaming about their dunk
5. Picking out really Jewy Hebrew names
6. Remind Jews from birth that Ruth, Jethro, and Abraham Avinu, were converts
7. Trying to blend in
8. Talking Theology – explaining the new testament to frummies
9. When someone can’t figure out they are a ger
10. Being frummer than everyone else
11. Chamtzas all around the house
12. To say things like before I was Jewish I ate?
13. Make friends with strange looking Jews that have super long peyos
14. Carlebach, Chassidus and Kabbalah
15. Holocaust movies and anything else related to the Holocaust
16. Jewish Holidays
17. Reminding everyone that Moshiach will descend from Ruth the convert
18. Saying Baruch Hashem all the time
19. Sing xmas songs, unconsciously
20. Peeking over people’s shoulders to see where they are supposed to be in the siddur.
21. Flipping to the back of the siddur for transliterations when they’re singing too fast to keep up with the Hebrew
22. Excessive ritual hand washings
23. Being able to speak knowledgeably about a certain topic… Unfortunately, it’s usually a goyish subject, such as: fashion, art, men’s cologne, treif food and restaurants, drugs, mafia, porn, etc.
24. Practicing the rasping ‘ch’ sound before any attempts to speak in public
25. Hearing that even the rabbi’s mother couldn’t believe you weren’t born Jewish, that she thought you were Israeli “at least”
26. Getting rid of the TV because the price of cable was getting too expensive anyway

Stuff Gerim Don’t like:

1. Making Mi Sheberachs for people with names like Bob ben Tanya
2. Admitting they are converts
3. Being in a minyan with exactly ten men.
4. Metzitzas b’peh
5. Getting a bris
6. Shuls that daven quickly
7. People seeing their tattoos
8. Getting set up with Kohanim
9. Paying ridiculous amounts for schooling far inferior to which they’re used.
10. Having to convert again
11. The law of return debate
12. Telling gentiles they converted
13. The word Goy
14. Having someone at the Shabbos table say they’d never let their son marry a ger, not knowing they’re sitting right next to one
15. Having to repeatedly explain to Mom that no, I can’t eat that at your house even though you did go through all the trouble of buying kosher products
16. Having old high school friends ask you what you’ve been up to lately and being able to hear their smile disappear over the phone as you tell them
17. Talking about their past lives or telling their story