Until the recent press release from Rabbi Yehuda Levin announcing that the gays were the cause of the Haiti Earthquake, no one had heard of him or his organization the Rabbinical Alliance of America. In response to RAA and Agudath Israel getting all the media attention for announcing the reasons for the recent earthquake in Haiti, the Rabbinical Council of America, not to be outdone – put out the following list of reasons that they think caused the earthquake in Haiti and if you thought Avi Shafran or Yehuda Levins theories were shocking, you are in for a real shocker.
Other reasons that the Haiti Earthquake may have occurred:
There has been a proliferation of guys wearing blue shirts on shabbos
Frum girls going to colleges other than Touro or Kingsborough
The shidduch crisis
Non-white tablecloths
Just when we thought YU was becoming frum they went and held a Toeva symposium
The framing of Leib Tropper
Tefillin dates
Women who secretly held onto their sheitles made from Indian hair
People who don’t drink kosher water
Women that wear red
Men not wearing black hats of the right size and brand
Girls wearing denim skirts
Guys wearing denim
People that break shabbos because they don’t know how to remove the cholent without cooking it
Chabad
Lipa Schmeltzer concerts
NCSY and their coed kiruv conspiracy
Sheitle hookers
Public embarrassment of frum child molesters
The local UJA’s unwillingness to fund frum organizations
The appointing of yoetzet halacha
Women wearing pants
People eating triangle-k
Men leaving kollel to support themselves when they could do fine with the women slaving day and night
Women’s megillah readings
Kipah srugahs
People who say hallel on yom haatzmaut
People who acknowledge the state of Israel
Cashiers that don’t slam the change down on the counter
Low mechitzas
The Internet and Blogs
All of the actions of the following groups have been proved to directly cause earthquakes and other disasters including the 1906 fire in San Francisco, the destruction of Pompeii and the eruption of Mt. St Helens.
Modern orthodox – because they are posing as frum when they aren’t, don’t be fooled by their white shirts and black velvet – they are imposters
Open Orthodox – since when is orthodoxy open – that sounds oxymoron
Conservative – the only thing they are conservative about is eating milk out and appointing women rabbis
Reform – it’s been known for years that they cause disasters
Egalitarian – women have only had rights for the last 80 years or so, the torah has been around for thousands of years, cease your equality or watch as fellow humans will die in horrible disasters.