Prayer to be dumped

By Frum N’ Flipping

To be recited in Shema Koleinu or before Yehiyu LeRatzon:

Blessed be you our God and God of our foremothers. May you have mercy on me [insert name] daughter of [insert mother’s name] and spare me from another date with [insert date’s name] son of [insert your hopefully-not-to-be-mother-in-law’s name].

Please, God, let me not find favor in his eyes. For the thought of another date with him doth not appeal.

It is true, O Lord that he is a true servant of your name, and he doth be all that is good and eligible. And the only fault that I can name is that he do be too [boring/solemn/insert minor flaw that nobody understands]. Howbeit there be no man without failings, as is written ‘There is no Tzaddik in the land who does not sin’.

And as [insert concerned relative’s name] doth say, ‘You’re not perfect either’.

Yet though I do travail, there doth be no click, no connection. And though I labor to know him, to like him, it doth be of no avail.

And I don’t know what to do.

And I do fear for my name and reputation. For to be named ‘picky’, in the language of the people, is ruinous. As it is written ‘a good name is better than precious oil’.

And I do not wish to lie awake, afterward, wondering if I have done the right deed.

So let it be your will that he dump me. Amen.

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