I am sure I will miss a few terms, but there are some general terms that I hear quite often in the shidduch world. I just got back into the whole mix of things so I am sure I will be hearing loads of things like “out of the box” and “open minded” but what most people don’t understand, or wish to think about- is what these terms really mean. It’s a shame I have been out of the shidduch scene for the past year – but I sure some of these still apply.
Not your typical: Whenever someone starts off their sentence describing themselves or someone else with “not your typical” it is usually being used to describe someone from Brooklyn or New York who seems to think they have an out of town attitude. The problem is, these not your typical types are almost always typical, so typical that you think these people should learn the halachos of placing stumbling blocks in front of your fellow Jew.
Out Of Town: this term is completely dependent on who is using it. If the person using the term to describe someone is from town (my definition being anywhere within 30 minutes of a kosher pizza store) then you are screwed because their ideas of what out of town attitudes are, are based on no personal experience- and don’t tell me that visiting day is counted.
Comes from a good family: Ok what are they hiding!
Modern: Less frum then the person describing them.
Frum But With It: If they say it I want nothing to do with it. Never really understood what this term meant. What exactly are you with? Who are you with? Does it mean that if you aren’t with it you are something other then frum?
Open minded: Either they went off the derech at some point, went to a college that isn’t the norm or has parents that are BT’s.
She really likes to talk: she’s a real bitch
She’s nice, She has such a big heart, She’s super sweet, really good personality: All backhanded ways to describe ugly girls.
She wants to live out of town: After two years she will demand that you move to within walking distance of her parents in Flatbush.
She carries herself so well: She’s huge
She’s so aidel: As long as you don’t find out about her year at Michlelet Esther.
She’s beautiful: If it’s a man telling you this they will usually be telling the truth, with women you can never be sure. Be sure to ask if they mean on the inside or out?
She’s from a yichusdike family: That already sounds way too frum. I come from yichus, but it’s not really important to anyone outside of Chassidic community.
Anyone interested in writing a similar post from a womans perspective?
64 comments for “Ambiguous terms used to describe a potential shidduch”