Picking up chicks at Yizkor

yizkorI never thought about it much before, but it seems that the best time to hit on girls at shul is at Yizkor, their parents are usually inside and you can have pick up lines like – “both my parents are alive, wanna party?” or “I see you still have both your parents”. Although those of us who remain in shul for Yizkor may in fact have a better chance with the ladies…

Unfortunately I never really got to pick up chicks at Yizkor because since the age of 6 I have been “stuck” inside shul during Yizkor. I always snuck out the back entrance to shul out of embarrassment when I was younger – it wasn’t until I got older that I realized that getting to in shul during Yizkor was kind of like a private club. I can remember countless times looking over the mechitza at some other girl my age and trying to get her eye, as if to say “don’t worry baby, my moms dead too” or “Iknow how your feeling, lets get it on” this never happened, but only after the age of 23 or so did I realize the possibilities of picking up a chick at Yizkor were greatly increased if you had to say it.

I used to hate coming out of Yizkor, it felt like all eyes were on me, people snickering and saying “haha his moms dead” well in grade school it was like that, we must remember that I grew up in the 80’s before political correctness became stylish, I was treated like shit as a kid, for not having a mom – my stuttering problem and wierd name for a modern orthodox kid didn’t help much either.

Actually I kind of avoided having to admit I was in a single parent household. Just like someone who is gay tries to avoid all talk of hetero items, I as a motherless child avoided conversations that were about things like what your mom made for lunch or what you likes about your mom the best – it kind of sucked to tell you the truth.

Now I look forward to Yizkor, not only is it time to focus on our mortality and those who have passed on, but its kind of cool to look around as I get older and realize that I am rarely the youngest anymore. I also love seing who has had a death in the family so that I can have some ammo if they look like someone I want to get to know – not only women my dear friends, men as well – because I am an equal opportunity bonder.